I have always been a dreamer. I always believed in happy
endings and in true love. That being the case, I always wear my heart on a
sleeve hoping that someone will grab it and make it theirs. Unfortunately, in
the same process, I have my heart broken so many times and I am left alone to
mend the pieces. I’m getting tired of mending my own heart. I sometimes cut
myself from the broken pieces when I try to make it whole again. I am left with
scars, yet, I end up finding myself in the same pattern hoping that the next
time, things will be different. But they aren’t. I wonder if they will be.
I don’t want to be caught in the same nightmare where I
have to wake up and find the truth about the real status of my affairs. For in each waking
moment, I tremble as I get close to knowing what is and what isn’t. Then I get
my heart broken again. It is more painful to know find out the truth for
yourself than having to find it out from someone else. But now, even in my
waking moments, I find myself helpless for every instance I figure out the
truth. I hate this feeling.
Not because I say I am ok means that I am; not because I
smile means I am happy, and not because I say it is going to be alright means
that it will be. With a heavy heart, I must go on and hope that things will be
better. Through my sadness, I can only hope that the same events do not unfold.
But who am Ito predict the things that are about to
come.......
For now, let me be sad.
