Page 5 of 366 Book 2012

Ever had those moments that you keep on asking if something could get any worse than it already is and it does? Fate doesn't seem to know the meaning of what a rhetorical question is. Pag sinabing stuck in traffic, bonggang stuckin traffic again na kulang na lang dun sa loob ng car ka na mag-aasawa, magsisilang ng sanggol at mamamatay. Anong sinabi ng immaculate conception aber? Gumalaw galaw lang ng kaunti, it is already a sign of relief.

I'm not still over with that emotional turmoil I had. I am using the term emotional turmoil because kung okay ka ba naman eh maiisipan mong i-close ang Face Book accoount mo with a final notice na "this account is already closed" Anak ng pitong kuba. Kung magdrama, drama! Que se hodang speaking in tounges and in codes pa ang peg mo, maka tantrums ka lang, okay na.

Ayoko isulat kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman ko. Somehow, it is going to find its way into prying eyes at isa itong batong makakabukol sa kung sino man. All I know is, I was really hurt in ways I never thought possible. Alam mo yung drama na kulang na lang buksan mo yung shower sa banyo mo, hot water ang dumadaloy para may usok na effect, sasandal ka sa isang wall at dahan dahan lang padausdos na bababa nang nakatulala habang binabasa ka ng shower. Ganyan. Shower scene kung shower scene.

Pero hindi naman ako ganun ka OA. Though tulala akong umuwi kagabi. Masakit. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang lugar ko at kung ano talaga ang silbi ko, and the sad part is....my loyalty is without question. Oh well... oh well....born is the King of Israel. Life changing is how I describe it. Nag-flashback ang napakaraming events as if these were mocking me. (Mocking talaga? Di ba pwedeng dumadaan lang sa paningin?)

The Author Robert Greene in his book, The 48 Laws of Power said and I quote "Know who you're dealing with. Do not offend the wrong person". Well, news flash... You did offend me....... 

Background Music : Commander by Kelly Rowland (Eh tumunog ang celphone ko eh)

Page 4 of 366 Book 2012

Ano ang mas malaki kesa sa City? .... Utsu!

Walong buwan. Akalain mo yun? Who would have thought that we will make it this far considering tha we both have strong personalities, ayaw patalo sa isa't isa. Nonetheless, salamat sa iyo for keeping me sane. Nami-miss na kita, pero kailangan natin parehong gawin ang mga specific roles natin. I will see you soon.

Napakasagwa nitong kinakain kong ginataang langka for lunch. Parang kulang na lang ipaglandakan ng nagluto nito sa pagmumukha ko na ang bitter bitter nya at wala na syang inatupag sa buong buhay nya kundi maging bitter. Pero for crying out loud naman, wag sana idamay ang pagkain ko. God bless her soul!

Kasalukuyan akong nakatanga after eating my lunch and at the moment I closed my eyes, images of my parents and all family members, both dead and alive rushed into my mind na as if nasa tabi ko lang sila. It's a weird feeling that I don't get to feel regularly -- every voice seems so distinct and clear na para bang kinakausap nila ako. Mamamatay na ba ako? Hindi pa naman siguro. Siguro nga nami-miss ko lang sila. Ihad to open my eyes and stop thinking about them bago pa ako mag breakdown. Nakakahiya, nasa office pa man din ako. Kung alam lang nila ang nararamdaman ko.

Mas okay pala pag nagtatagalog ako. Express kung express na parang tanga lang. Walang rules of grammar na nilalabag, walang mapagmasid na mga mambabasang akala mo expert sa kung anong larangan ng katalinuhan na sila lang ang may alam. Bakit ba, blog ko to no!

Six minutes na lang, matatapos na tong break ko.... ano ba ang pwedeng gawin sa last six minutes? Magdasal...Check! Magpretend na okay lang ako...Check! Ayan four minutes to go. Akalain mo, nagawa kong magpakabanal at magkunwari at the same time, all in two minutes.

Sa nalalabi kong three minutes... magtetext muna ako kay K! Alam ko nalulungkot din sya. Dapat nga eh, magkasama kami today... dinner ulit sa Makati, mang-okray ng fashion sense ng mga trying hard na noveau riche at magkulitan buong araw. Wala eh.. ganun talaga.

Two minutes.... Nalulungkot pa rin ako. Lintek na langka yan. Lakas makahawa ng bitterness ampotah.

Time's up.... back to work muna ako. Dami ko pang paiiyakin later.. binayaran ko na yan ng luha ko, tigil tigilan nga nyo ako.

Background music : My Prerogative by Bobby Brown (di ba pwedeng Britney Spears man lang?)