Status: Single? In a Relationship? Married?

IN A RELATIONSHIP

Last week, my profile says the above and a lot of people reading my blogs have been commenting that I should already update my profile. They really had to rub it in my face that I am already single and hence I should indicate the same. For what purpose? Wala lang... (Then why bother). I decided to maintain the same status because.... well, for obvious reasons .... until I saw what I needed to see to motivate me to change mine.

SINGLE

Two days after confirming that it was over and after finally coming to terms with the same fact, I changed my status to (drum roll....) single. Well since everybody has been trying to urge me to be very politically correct I had to abide by the majority, although it was bit confusing at first (and nauseating). Bad idea. Old friends and.... yeah, "old friends" suddenly started establishing communication from all directions and media: Email here, a YM there, a text here, more phone calls there..... common people! Some people are just so insensitive. They must have forgotten that I was soaked in my own tears a few days ago. I'm comfortable with my old routine: Home, work, mall, home. Being out with groups doesnt seem to add up and fit in to my goals.

MARRIED

This morning, I was going thru my stuff. I found a birthday card (last year) and another card dated May 12, 2006 (this came with a blue rose). Both had the same messages. I couldnt help but cry. MIss ko na asawa ko. And then I realized something: I made that commitment, and whether or not the other party honors the same commitment, I have to honor mine. simply put, it became clearer to me now, that while I may be alone, I am not single. I'm actually married and forever taken. Hence, the new status: MARRIED. But then again a lot of people, more people sent me crazy messages today. In my mind... bakit ba kayo nakikialam....

ITS COMPLICATED

O, siguro naman wala nang magrereact? Umayos kayo!

Falling In and Out of Love and Faking It

As I sit here with you today, I couldnt help but question my motives. Am I here because I love you, or am I here because I have to be, considering the time we have been apart.

Such thought provoked several other concerns: 1) Are we okay? 2) How long are we going to stay like this? 3) How long can you sustain your love for me when I cant seem to reciprocate the feeling anymore? 4) Do I even love you still?

Weird.... I am in love with you, yet, at this very momemt, I'd rather be home in my own bed, be with my dog, and be enjoying sleep ALONE. I am in love with you, but somehow, I am trying real hard to sustain the feeling just to make today special. I am in love with you, yet somehow, I feel like I'm faking it... and its wrong.....

So now, haviong felt contradicting emotions at the same time....can someone tell me please what's the difference between being in love and faking it? Arrrgh!

I cant be falling out of love...that I am certain, but if I am exhibiting signs of falling out of love...despiute my being concious of being in love....then what do I make out of it????

I'm confused....