Falling In and Out of Love and Faking It

As I sit here with you today, I couldnt help but question my motives. Am I here because I love you, or am I here because I have to be, considering the time we have been apart.

Such thought provoked several other concerns: 1) Are we okay? 2) How long are we going to stay like this? 3) How long can you sustain your love for me when I cant seem to reciprocate the feeling anymore? 4) Do I even love you still?

Weird.... I am in love with you, yet, at this very momemt, I'd rather be home in my own bed, be with my dog, and be enjoying sleep ALONE. I am in love with you, but somehow, I am trying real hard to sustain the feeling just to make today special. I am in love with you, yet somehow, I feel like I'm faking it... and its wrong.....

So now, haviong felt contradicting emotions at the same time....can someone tell me please what's the difference between being in love and faking it? Arrrgh!

I cant be falling out of love...that I am certain, but if I am exhibiting signs of falling out of love...despiute my being concious of being in love....then what do I make out of it????

I'm confused....

If Looks Could Kill (I'd Kill the Person First)

...Now that you've had a closer look of my face and my features, tell me, how do you feel about me? Say whaaat? Stop! Rewind, play.....Hi...Now that you've had a closer look of my face and my features, tell me, how do you feel about me? OMG I heard it right...

At that particular moment, I'd like to bite your head off. Do I have a sign, a mark on my forehead which made you conclude that I was after your looks? Common, I've dated several better looking people than you..don't be so full of yourself.

Have you ever failed to consider the fact that I may have liked you for any other reason other than your looks? Say, what ever happened to the fact that you make me smile, or that you never fail to amaze me, or that you do stupid things and exit gracefully? Looks?

Now I wonder, what made you like me in the first place. Looks? Have I no other value except for looks? Am I not good enough for any other reason except for looks? Can you not like me for being smart or being nice or being funny? But looks?

I must have grown too old too fast to have skipped this part...

Pathetic.

Me, Myself, and I

How often do you get swept off your feet by the wrong person at the wrong time? Once, twice, four times? You idiot!

Ok reality check…. Do you know the person that well? Do you even know if she’s a real person or some pirate faced roach? Do you even know the real name? Age? Whereabouts of parents? Yada yada yada? (What is this an interrogation?)

You don’t….and you call that love? Love on the basis of what? Hey loser, I’m still talking to you! For crying out loud, bang your head until you come to your senses! Would you like me to slam your head real hard to activate your brain? Maybe a little shingles wont hurt, huh?

Ooooopppssss….you’re ignoring me again……Hey, you…..listen to me!

Ho-hum….Huh…? What…? Eh…..? Somebody talking…? Oh, well, gotta get ready….

Waiting in Vain

8:00AM

Turn on cell, request for signal, check inbox. No message? Turn off cell.

8:30am

Turn on cell, request for signal, check inbox. No message? Lets wait...... (I'm still waiting....) 45 minutes, no message still. What the hell.....(turn off cell)

12:00 noon

Turn on cell, request for signal, check inbox. No message? O, common.... Do you even know how to send text messages? Grrrr.... must be asleep.... Turn off cell.

1:00 pm

Same routine, except now lying in bed until sleep closes my eyes to rest..... Phone in one hand in vibra mode...still waiting for your text....

7:00pm

Awake and...whaaat??? Still no text? Hmmmmmm...lets say hi, shall we....type, type, type, send....message sent....now waiting....still waiting...(and after 30 mins.) Grrr...


12:45 pm

Still no text..... O well, it was fun while it lasted.... Bye, see you when I see you.... I'm checking my e-mails.... one message received.... Is that all you can say? ;-)