A Tale of Two Brats

It was very difficult for me to say goodbye. Afterall, you have been my boss for the past 3 years and I know we have this "something" we both couldn't figure out and we both couldn't put our fingers on. Hmmm...good professional working relationship??? Hmmm...naaaah....not really. Everything isn't just work between us.I'd do your windows if you'd ask me nicely. :-) (kidding). Whatever it is...it's something we do not and never will talk about. I guess we both understand that its an unwritten rule in both our "personal' manuals.

"Confidential Files....your's or mine? Definitely not the new assistant's!" "SEC Registration, yours, Files of your vehicles, mine. LTO Registration, mine."

Funny. It's funny because in the course of 3 years, I have never seen you show me that you like me, except in the form of monetary or material somethings that you throw in every once in a while when you feel like remembering me. In the same manner,never have I shown you that I really like you a lot. (Heaven forbid I might even fall... noooooo... but that's impossible). It was more of me giving you gifts, calling or texting you at 12am and greeting you happy birthday (and I always was the 1st), stuff beyond work.

"Equipments Monitoring...yours, Sales, mine...Wait a freaking minute!!! Why am I still responsible for these when you already granted my transfer? So what's the new assistant doing anyways? Merely pushing paper and answering phonecalls? Hello! Don't tell me you'll take charge of operation and logistics as well??? Trust me, not your cup of tea....., which is why you hired me."

I talked to your dad earlier and even before I could make a plea to stay with you, he already told me about management's decision. Oh by the way, he said you can still come to me if you need anything...(which I doubt that you will do knowing how hard headed you are, I'm 26 you're 25, go figure!). But I couldn't help it...and me telling him that I liked you a lot and I dont wanna leave you in incapable hands just broke loose... Dunno what went thru his mind within 15 seconds of inactivity but hey...I said my piece.

"So I guess, that's everything...All files that you need are intact, Softcopies are encrypted and are backed up in my HD. Tell me if you need anything. I'm moving my stuff today up one floor....your uncle's orders." "Naaaah, you stay for a while, you don't have anything to do pa naman right? Besides, I have projects for you to finish one last time. Stay put".

All this time, I thought that your letting me go didnt mean anything...till I learned that you have been repeatedly pleading for me to stay with you for over two weeks now...today you and the other VPs called for a meeting with the Board and did the same... I was wrong.

"No, I can't. I have to start Monday and your uncle just gave me one day to comepletely turnover stuff". Sorry."

Hours passed and all I could see was you trying to take in the whole thing trying to be ok...I know because I feel what you're feeling. Damn! You don't just become OK after saying goodbye to someone whose face you see more than 9 hours of your life 6 days a week for 3 years...Still, between the two of us, you're the stronger brat, and you just left by tapping my shoulder looking away as I glanced and walked out as fast as you can before I could even say goodbye. The same old you, I see....:-)

Earlier tonight you sat beside me at the annual Christmas Dinner still, silent. You didnt have to say a word you know that... Being pathetic is not listed in our "personal" manuals, nor is it in the boss' handbook. All I know, we have said a lot to each other by just merely looking at each other's eyes for the longest time, like we always do when we couldnt find the right words to say. I guess, we will always be this way, and I'm cool with it.

See you around B.... Let's discuss credit policies soon.

:-)

Falling In and Out of Love and Faking It

As I sit here with you today, I couldnt help but question my motives. Am I here because I love you, or am I here because I have to be, considering the time we have been apart.

Such thought provoked several other concerns: 1) Are we okay? 2) How long are we going to stay like this? 3) How long can you sustain your love for me when I cant seem to reciprocate the feeling anymore? 4) Do I even love you still?

Weird.... I am in love with you, yet, at this very momemt, I'd rather be home in my own bed, be with my dog, and be enjoying sleep ALONE. I am in love with you, but somehow, I am trying real hard to sustain the feeling just to make today special. I am in love with you, yet somehow, I feel like I'm faking it... and its wrong.....

So now, haviong felt contradicting emotions at the same time....can someone tell me please what's the difference between being in love and faking it? Arrrgh!

I cant be falling out of love...that I am certain, but if I am exhibiting signs of falling out of love...despiute my being concious of being in love....then what do I make out of it????

I'm confused....

If Looks Could Kill (I'd Kill the Person First)

...Now that you've had a closer look of my face and my features, tell me, how do you feel about me? Say whaaat? Stop! Rewind, play.....Hi...Now that you've had a closer look of my face and my features, tell me, how do you feel about me? OMG I heard it right...

At that particular moment, I'd like to bite your head off. Do I have a sign, a mark on my forehead which made you conclude that I was after your looks? Common, I've dated several better looking people than you..don't be so full of yourself.

Have you ever failed to consider the fact that I may have liked you for any other reason other than your looks? Say, what ever happened to the fact that you make me smile, or that you never fail to amaze me, or that you do stupid things and exit gracefully? Looks?

Now I wonder, what made you like me in the first place. Looks? Have I no other value except for looks? Am I not good enough for any other reason except for looks? Can you not like me for being smart or being nice or being funny? But looks?

I must have grown too old too fast to have skipped this part...

Pathetic.

Me, Myself, and I

How often do you get swept off your feet by the wrong person at the wrong time? Once, twice, four times? You idiot!

Ok reality check…. Do you know the person that well? Do you even know if she’s a real person or some pirate faced roach? Do you even know the real name? Age? Whereabouts of parents? Yada yada yada? (What is this an interrogation?)

You don’t….and you call that love? Love on the basis of what? Hey loser, I’m still talking to you! For crying out loud, bang your head until you come to your senses! Would you like me to slam your head real hard to activate your brain? Maybe a little shingles wont hurt, huh?

Ooooopppssss….you’re ignoring me again……Hey, you…..listen to me!

Ho-hum….Huh…? What…? Eh…..? Somebody talking…? Oh, well, gotta get ready….

Waiting in Vain

8:00AM

Turn on cell, request for signal, check inbox. No message? Turn off cell.

8:30am

Turn on cell, request for signal, check inbox. No message? Lets wait...... (I'm still waiting....) 45 minutes, no message still. What the hell.....(turn off cell)

12:00 noon

Turn on cell, request for signal, check inbox. No message? O, common.... Do you even know how to send text messages? Grrrr.... must be asleep.... Turn off cell.

1:00 pm

Same routine, except now lying in bed until sleep closes my eyes to rest..... Phone in one hand in vibra mode...still waiting for your text....

7:00pm

Awake and...whaaat??? Still no text? Hmmmmmm...lets say hi, shall we....type, type, type, send....message sent....now waiting....still waiting...(and after 30 mins.) Grrr...


12:45 pm

Still no text..... O well, it was fun while it lasted.... Bye, see you when I see you.... I'm checking my e-mails.... one message received.... Is that all you can say? ;-)

Going Down

ould I thank you for making me feel liked? (I guess you know I like you as well, huh?)

Should I thank you for making me feel welcomed? (Feel free to drop into my life anytime soon.)

Should I begin to close my eyes smiling, knowing that you'll always make things feel better? (You already did...)

Should I start breathing at rapid successions now so I can begin catching my breath? (You just made my lungs feel like bursting....)

Should I begin monitoring my BP now soI'd know my heart still beats? (you just made it stop....)

Should I drive you away now so we dont complicate what we have? (But I already love you......)

CRAAAAAPPP! Did I just say I love you????? Uh-oh......

Confession

If I told you that I like you a lot, would you stop being a kid and try to grow up? Would you stop frowning early morning and greet each day with joy? Would you stop forgetting your keys so you'd stop interrupting me just to open your door? Would you start remembering all documents you sign and never put me on the spot case you forget? Would you stop banging the phone when you call me to see you?

If I told you you had the sweetest smile, would you start smiling at everybody at work so that they'd learn to like you as well? Would you hold your temper and refrain from throwing tantrums like a six-year-old brat, and start acting 25? Would you stop harassing the rest of your staff so they'd be free of your neurotic tendencies for a day?

If I told you I love you, would you stop biting your fingernails and focus on more pressing problems needing your decisions? Would you refrain from sending me uneccessary e-mails and talk to me instead? Would you give more specific instructions so that we both dont get our asses whipped by the CEO? Would you again stand up against your superiors and the rest of the board who are constantly trying to isolate me from you?

If I told you I'd stay..., would you still eat the chicken curry pies I offer you, the endless packs of corn chips we both enjoy over silent and senseless meetings as to discuss who is better among us, who's more mature, who's IQ is higher, who's got more PR to shake the entire organization and leave them wondering what's going on? Would you still argue with me as to who lost the files you have secretly retrieved from my drawers so you'd review all my reports so we'd have a sane discussion everytime we meet? Would you start showing me that you care and not stash big bucks on the next Christmas Card you give, or the shirts that you make me wear, the concert tickets that you want me to have, and the countless parades around my workspace just to check if I were at your beck and call?

Would you at least talk to me and tell me how you feel....?

Vacuum

Flowing lines of darkness
Swirling haze of fear
Eerie shrieks of silence
Vivid, lucid, clear....

Moonbeams, light and shadows
Starlight, crimson moon
Shooting stars and twilight
Night falls soon....

Bottled Water

Have I told you that I LIKE YOU A LOT? Nope, but if I did, you wouldn't take me seriously anyway, like the last proposal I submitted, which you referred to as ultra radical? (It was a good marketing plan, huh!)

How about.....YOU MAKE ME SMILE? Naah...too cheesy, you'll probably have my head in a platter for lack of originality. How about this one.....YOUR PRESENCE IS A BEACON OF LIGHT WHICH DISPELS THE GLOOMINESS OF MY DAY? Oh no....that would make you seem like an emergency light in the all day food establishment.....(it will be as boring as the egg and sausage combo they serve)

You know what... I cant seem to find something suitable to describe how you make me happy ---- the sack of crap that you are, the brat that you are, the snoopy little devil that you are.......and I could go on forever describing even the details of your OCness..... Still, it will only make you perfect before my eyes. Every bit of you seems to fit every inch of this puzzle I have been long trying to figure out......Someday, I know I'll get a complete picture and appreciate the image it will form....

But right now, I'll have to say goodnight and dream of you again..... or maybe not.... or maybe I can get lucky and I will....Who cares....

This is starting to get weird and freaky...... (Like the time when we both showed up sporting the same "I am an athlete, so kiss my ass" look)

Crap..... the slides for your presentation aren't done yet......oh well...see you at work... ;-)

Dementia

It has been over two months that I spent days and nights loving you….yet, why can’t I remember your face? Two months or so that I have kept you in my heart, then why can’t I feel your warmth? I must be dead…..for my senses fail me as well. Even my mind slyly denies me of memories of you.

I do recall a faint resemblance of a figure…Was it in my dream? A mirage perhaps, or a ghost of my past haunting me. But the faintness of the entity disillusions my thoughts from believing that such being even existed… Or was it you? I don’t remember.

I’ve forgotten how happiness feels like; neither do I recall the pain sadness brings…Have I forgotten to feel? Maybe… Perhaps its a reply to the harshness the world has shown me….But who are you anyway? I
can’t seem to recall.

Why am I even writing this? Have I lost purpose that I know not what sanity is? Still, I don’t know who you are!

 Soon, I shall forget the thought of inquiring about your existence, for the same thought persuades me to believe that I do know you. Try as I may, I don’t remember our paths crossing…So, tell me…who are you?

You Really Couldn't Wait

I was joking this afternoon as to how my officemates would choose the lottery numbers so that in case all three of us or if any of us would win, we could help you with your chemo. But you just couldn't wait.....

Three days ago, I called almost the entire batch to finalize the fund drive I was organizing for you, so at least, it would help you with your medication, but you simply couldn't wait......

I still have the last SMS you sent me, the one where you were asking for my help to get you thru with your pain. I really don't have the resources, you know that. I'm just some underpaid and overworked junkie who has crap for a savings account..., but I managed to apply for a loan to help you. Still, you couldn't wait....

You died today, and no one told me. At least no one had the courage to tell me. It was my mom who broke everybody's silence about your demise... You just couldn't wait.... You always were in a hurry....

Wherever you are, I hope you are at peace and are happy. I hope you'll get all the comfort that we couldn't give you, for you were there for me and my classmates when we needed you. We will always remember you - a mother, a professor, a friend.....

Music of the Night

The wailing storm,
the pouring rain
The sighing wind,
knocking on panes

The snoring pup,
the glugging fish
The humming moon,
tonight I miss

My creaking bones,
my aching flesh
My throbbing heart,
my drumming chest.

My keyboard clicks and sings
to my broken chair's hymn,
I guess it'll have to do alright,
my song, the music of the night.



Music of the Night by Ritche F. Baria is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at 2inchestoperfection.blogspot.com.