Into The Rain, Into My Dreams

I used to love the rain. Rain made me feel cool during the summer, would quench the thirst of my mother's plants that she carefully takes care of in our yard, and rain would mean we now have the chance to go out and play - my sister and I. We were kids. And what do kids know. For us, basking under the glory of heaven's waters was fun, nothing more but fun. Life used to be that simple.

On certain occasions that storms come and we were not permitted to go out and bathe in the rain. The pitter patter of the raindrops are a hum to make me fall asleep. I would long for the dark skies and the thunder, for I knew that these are merely a prelude to something more spectacular. Raindrops send me to magical places in my sleep, often, to places unknown and unheard of. Raindrops made sure I get to those places and come back from them safe and sound.

As I grew older, and wiser (so to speak), Science taught me about pollution, about acid rain, and about the diseases that came with it. I began to had doubts about the sanity of my actions - bathing in the rain, having fun. My sister never cared, as she went about her business and played until she could no longer bear the cold. She was the wiser one. She always was, she still is. 

Photo Credits : KEVIN DOOLEY

As years passed by, I became more distant from the thought of rain. I became distant from my old friend until the day came that I bid farewell to that friendship. I said goodbye to my old friend, rain. It was time to grow up. And sooner, rain became my enemy. I would curse the days when rain flooded the streets of the Metro and made it more difficult for me to go to work. I would curse the days when I had to cancel my plans or whenever I get stuck in traffic because of the heavy downpour, and worse, then I would walk just to get home because traffic wasn't moving. Those were a lot of days.

Last night, I anticipated rain to cause much devastation again brought about by Super Typhoon Hagupit. It was me screaming on top of my lungs for rain to do his worse, and I will still be there standing cursing it to no end. But..... all was calm. The storm I anticipated never came. I spent hours and hours on my balcony looking at the bay area from the horizon and yet, not dark clouds - everything was bright, and serene. From the distance, I could see fireworks, perhaps,  for people to celebrate or to give thanks that no harm came. 

Everything was alright, except for the droplets of rain that keep on falling from the skies. I extended my had far out just enough to catch a few drops, and I began to feel sad. Nostalgia perhaps? Was it the weather? Suddenly, flashes of memories of me and my sister running around the house with our wet clothes on flooded my mind. We looked so happy, we looked to peaceful, we looked so carefree, and we had fun. I extended my hand more and more memories of my childhood filled my head. I became even more sad.

I wasn't sad because I was mad at rain, or because I have been distant. I wasn't sad because I grew up. I was sad because the life that I know now will never be as simple, as fun and as carefree as it used to be. I was sad for the poor choices I made when I could have gone for the more obvious one. I was sad for not finding more time for the people who have been there for me, and I was sad for giving more importance to the wrong people who will never know my sacrifices for them.

I was sad for a lot of things, but I was no longer angry. Instead, I surrendered myself to rain and all of these emotions and allowed it to be my friend once more. For the first time in nearly twenty years, I allowed rain to lull me again to sleep. In my sleep, I will revisit again magical places and lands unknown and I won't be afraid to dream some more because I know now, everything will be alright.