SHE

Photo Courtesy of Definitely Filipino's Archives

She gave up on her dreams so she can be a great role model to you. You became her world the moment you were born. The moment she laid eyes on you, she knew that she had to do everything in her power to keep you safe, to make you feel loved, to be there for you every step of the way. She knows that while she may not have the resources, she is bound to find ways to send you to school and give you the best education, better than what she has known. She knows with every bone in her body that a birthday party will make you happy, even if she has not known one growing up. She knows that while her knowledge to educate you may be limited by her own education, she hopes that she can make up for it by teaching you about life and the world around you.

She knows that she can only give you an assurance as to how the world works based on what she knows. Her life experiences, while to some, may be inadequate, compose the wisest advices in her arsenal of wisdom. She knows that with her guidance, you are bound for great things and great experiences, even far greater than hers. She is happy to know that you will know the world thru her eyes and her words, and know it better because she has equipped you with her wisdom. Suddenly, she pauses with the sad truth that the world will fail you and break your heart and she prays that when that time comes, she will still have enough strength to take that pain away in whatever way she can.

She may want things for herself. And when she does, she has to weigh if she really wants them, because she knows that your need outweighs hers, and she is happy to forego her happiness so that you can have yours. You may not be aware of it, but the mere fact of making sure that you have a decent meal may be daunting for her. Have you not wondered where she gets the strength to wake up before everyone else does, only to rest when everybody else is asleep? She has mastered the art of making the family budget work to your advantage and she doesn’t mind not getting a single penny to spend on her because she loves you.

She may not show it, but you are her pride and joy. Every award, medal or honor that you bring to the family fuels her drive to be better at what she does, juggling work and home and making both work seamlessly and perfectly. While you may be offended when she secretly reads your love letters and giggles about it, she tells people how proud she is to have raised you in love and how wonderful you turned out to be.

She broke her heart when you left for college. She hasn’t shown it, even up to this day, but you, leaving her was the saddest day of her life. You may have seen the excitement in her smile, but her eyes held back tears as she pushed you to go on so that you will think that you made the right choice and won’t change your mind. You may have moved on with your life with a new school, a new set of friends, and a new environment, but she has never stopped thinking about you even in her sleep. Miles away from you, her instinct worries her that you may not be eating well, that you may be getting home late, or may not be well. She can only hope for you to find the time to spend your school breaks with the family not just to assure her that you are safe, but because she is excited to take care of you.

She will always see you as her little child no matter at what age. Please don’t take that joy away from her, as it is the only fragment of memory that she wants to hold on to, knowing that you may have found a new family or are too busy to talk to her. Her constant repeated texts asking how you are may be annoying for you, but it is the fastest way that technology has provided her to reach out to you. You may think that you are an adult, can take care of yourself and may not care about the world, but you are still, and will forever be part of her world. You may think that showing an iota of love for her is silly and childish, but she loves you anyway, always has, always will.

She will turn old and gray. She might be in pain but she will never tell you that. She respects that you have your own life now and she does not want you to worry even if you do. Every time that you get to hug her in very limited times, you may think that you are merely making up for lost time, but to her, it’s everything. She will insist on sending you off every time you leave, only to see you go and break her heart every single time. And one day, you will just learn that she went quietly in the night with nothing less than good dreams about you and how much she loved you.

Now you know what your mother has sacrificed for you, what have you ever done to love her?