Life they say, is a beach. If it were one, it would be a giant Bonnie Bailey party. You just don't care about the worries of the world and you just dance your problems away. But in reality, life is no beach, merely, one beautiful summer that you get to enjoy until it eventually fades into memory.
10 July 2018
30 June 2018
It has been a while since I stopped writing. Death in the family can really cripple you into neglecting even the things you love to do. But that’s all water under the bridge. I’ll probably write about it some time, but not today. I feel like, after a very long break, I’m starting over again, and when I turned 40 last May, I am a totally different person.
I stopped caring.
Yes, as cruel as it sounds, I stopped giving a fuck about trivial things like how some men can wear underwear underneath boxer shorts underneath a pair of jeans (who does that anyway?) I used to be bothered by noise (I still am) but now, I somehow have learned to channel it by creating noise of a much greater scale to get even. I started unfollowing people on Twitter (those who make no absolute sense anyway) and I could care less if they unfollowed me too. Facebook also seemed meh, as I opted to keep in touch with just a very few friends, those who matter anyway. I am now on the verge of deleting Facebook Messenger, maybe after converting family and friends to Line or Skype (no viber please). I’ll probably even get a Blackberry just to shy away from the iPhone wielding crowd.
I started learning French.
Well, I’m not really sure how this will end but…. I think it is good to know a fifth language you know, just in case. No offense meant, but I really find it annoying when some people start talking in English with their preposterous accents (read: those in customer service) in an environment where majority of people present at least 30% above the poverty line. My parents always taught me that it is rude to speak in a different language when there is a chance for you to interact with others. But that’s really the opposite of why I speak four languages (French being the fifth) as I do not want people to understand my everyday thoughts with the exception of sharing these. It’s like some members of the Filipino Chinese community talking to each other in Fookien when they can merely address each other in Filipino. I find it rude, but, whatever makes them sleep better at night I guess.
I started eating black rice.
When I went home in Negros last December, I remember wondering why the family is eating ube for lunch. Silly me, it was black rice. Trust me, it is good for your digestion, makes you feel full longer, and makes you eat less. A caveat though, it is an acquired taste. At first, it might gross you out why you’re having this violet thing (incidentally it turns dark violet when cooked) with your food. You’ll get used to it. You’ll live.
I started binge watching Revenge.
Yeah yeah yeah show’s over but give me a break, I haven’t watched it since I forgot how twisted Emily Thorne could be yet she can show vulnerability as well.
I started to have an epiphany that the same shit is about to hit the fan.
It’s the little things that add up. It’s the same thing you have witnessed and experienced before and are too blind to acknowledge it. I wish I could say more. What I do know is, I am not putting up with this again.
My three month hiatus wasn’t really a waste after all.
29 June 2018
15 March 2018
How many times have you opened up yourself to the possibility of a relationship by putting yourself out there and hoping that you meet Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now? Countless I presume, in more unconventional and creative ways, if I may add. You put in so much effort by putting your best foot forward with the hope that you will hit it off and live your happily ever after.
But that is not always the case.
Sometimes, your effort pays off and you begin your journey towards rose colored glasses, bed of roses and what have you. Well, good for you. But oftentimes, it does not end there, and you are left in that crossroad of your life wondering what the hell happened. (You actually have a clue but you are too proud to admit to yourself that it didn’t work and you’re still hoping for lightning to strike the same place twice so that you can reignite that fire and live your days in Lala Land.)
When things don’t work out, you go on the offense and charge without thinking. You don’t care whatever it takes to get that person to like you again, and you allow yourself to bask in a rain of a shitload of crazy just to get him back. Oftentimes, you fail to ask yourself the basic question of “WHY DIDN’T IT WORK?”
Well I’ll tell you why :
1. He is married.
You keep on hoping that by some strange divine intervention, the wife dies and he comes running back to you. Boom, happy ending. But she’s not dying anytime soon, is she?
2. He is in a relationship.
Motherfu....! You found out that despite all the time he spends with you, he still has somebody else to come home to, and you constantly tell him that you won’t be demanding for any more of his time as long as he doesn’t leave you. Hello, wake up! The mere fact that he still doesn’t break it off means that he has no intention of being exclusively with you. You are just a side dish. A garnish. A hobby. Shall I go on?
3. He has commitment issues.
Walang kayo! He doesn’t want to put down his gloves yet because he still has game and he wants to play. And right now, he’s playing horse chasing a carrot. You are the horse.
4. He’s just not into you.
Let’s play charades. Four words, Filipino. “HINDI KA NYA GUSTO”. Oo bes, sorry pero hindi talaga. He might be using you for sex, or your money but other than that, nada. Zero, zilch, sayonara.
And there you are in your delusional world still hoping that he is coming back. I can tell that you are still convincing yourself to chase after him and make it work. Please don’t. Stop crying, stand up, dust yourself off and put yourself out there again. I know you are tired, I know you might be feeling a little discouraged but, no pain no gain right?
Please know that you deserve to be loved. It might not be the person you want (common, we can’t always get what we want, stop rolling in the dirt like a spoiled brat), but if you open yourself to a world of possibilities, you might surprise yourself one day when you get to hum tunes, recite verses, make mix tapes (does anybody still do that?), smile and fall in love all over again.
It’s not the end of the world babe. It’s just merely the end of a lousy chapter.