26 August 2019

Alone Again (and Hungry) Naturally.....

I did not eat today. Not because it is a personal choice, or because I am on a diet, but literally have no food and no money. I am not ashamed to say that I have been having financial difficulties since April, because that’s fact. I am not surprised either that I have it till August with my sanity still intact, and still able to smile because God has been kind. I wish HE could be a little bit kinder and make all of these go away, but this is what it is and it is a mess I am trying to figure out.

Most of my friends, well so called friends don’t talk to me anymore. Why would they? It’s not like I want to make plans and hang out when all I can think right now is I hope I have something to eat tomorrow. I used to be in denial about this, but, when you’ve suffered long enough, you’ve learned to grow thicker skin and a stronger backbone to not mind what other people say. All you need to focus is to survive and make it thru another day.

Most people close to me think that I am okay. Most of them don’t take my situation seriously when in fact, I have been repeatedly asking for help for months now. And why would they? I always joke about my real problems everytime a door closes on me when I ask for help. It is ever easy when the only person who can help you is yourself.

Two Saturdays ago, I went to a friend’s house to ask for help and she was kind enough to help me get thru my issues that day. But as always, it’s just a band-aid solution to a wound that keeps growing deeper and is bleeding me dry. I remember I was so hungry that night, I also didn’t have anything to eat, but lo and behold, I had cake, lechon, shrimp, rice, and palabok that night. The lady she calls mom (not her real mother) was kind enough to accommodate me in their home at 10 in the evening and welcomed me, someone she didn’t know. Not only that, she gave me enough food to bring home so I was able to eat for the next few days until I could get my salary and repay her back. I will never forget their kindness.

It’s always that for me – borrow, pay, repay, repeat. A never ending cycle which I don’t know when I will be able to resolve. A miracle perhaps will help me find my footing again and start anew, but until then, it will always be endless nights of worry. There are times  that I just wanted to wake up if this was a dream, or just die, so I could at least find some peace. But I don’t want to cause any more heartache to my mother and my sister who have been nothing but very supportive of me all throughout this journey.

I wish I could blame these on certain circumstances which started June last year which led me to this, but enough of pointing fingers. It’s not the solution that I seek, especially when I have to keep on begging for what is rightfully mine.

I am not writing this for you to pity me. I just want you to know that whenever you see me, smiling, it’s all a lie. I am not okay. I wish you could see the pain I have been trying to hide for months now behind every smile. And maybe, just maybe, when one day I decide to throw in the towel and give up, you’ll realize that I have been fighting this battle for so long, that I am almost about to give up.

27 May 2019

Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens

Sufjan Stevens.... how do I even begin to describe thee. You break my heart with each and every melody, and you bring me back to a place that is so vulnerable it just makes me want to curl up and feel weak and defenseless.

But I love your music. I love how you make me believe in love, that I am capable of love, and that I am worthy of love.

26 May 2019

Goodbye Old Friend

Blackberries have always been unconventional in a world now dominated by Apple and Samsung. But I do love anything out of the ordinary. Blackberries have always made me feel like I'm in touch with something old and sacred, the art of communicating perhaps? The physical keypad always feels like a friend I've known for so long.

However, with the sudden announcement of Blackberry finally shutting down it's BBM Service, I had to make a painful choice. I've always loved BBM and Blackberry, but if this love isn't reciprocated, who am I to stay in a relationship where there is nothing mutual anymore?

Goodblye Blackberry. We had good times!

Copyright : R.F. Baria Instagram : @Tsoinami

22 May 2019

Data Privacy is Data Security

Over the week, I had my share of a version of a horror story where it ends that my personal information were used for some illegal purpose (apparently). To add insult to injury, contacts in my phone were hacked and were getting sms round the clock from a certain entity so I had to take action.

After a few hours browsing on data privacy, It is very clear to me that nobody has the right to use your personal information in any manner other than what it was intended for. You have to be very vigilant about where you enter or give your information (websites, online forms, telemarketers, credit card agents) or you could end up in real trouble.

It is a relief that the government now has the National Privacy Commission, an entity whose sole mission is to protect and safeguard our personal information from misuse and abuse. 

If you feel like your personal information has been compromised, misused or abused in any manner, you may get in touch with them thru:


Address: 5th Floor Delegation Building, PICC Complex, Roxas Boulevard

Website : www.privacy.gov.ph

Trunkline No : 234-22-28

Local Numbers
For Complaints 114
For other inquiries 117