Moving On Thru Music (Read: What's Playing on Your iPod Loser?)

Sometimes we are so busy being happy that we forget to give back to society - to help the poor (read: the broken hearted), the needy (read: those who refuse to move on) and the unemployed (read: those who have moved on but are single).

Moving on is a very difficult process. It is even an understatement to describe it as difficult (trust me I've been there) and it takes a lot of time, effort and conviction to realize that you need to get yourself out of a situation that is no longer doing you any good.

Ayaw nyo pa mag move-on? Hala sige, pakalunod kayo kakaiyak as if naman babalikan pa kayo nun. Kung ready naman kayo na makalimot at magbukas ng bagong chapter sa mga buhay ninyo, then read on.

Photo Credits : BILL SELAK

In my own little way, I would like to do my share by helping those who refuse to move on from their broken hearts and their failed relationships. I am recommending the following breakup songs for them:

1. The Day You Went Away (Wendy Matthews)

Panalo ka dito. You'll feel like as if your world will fall apart. Take it from me, naka-relate ako dito. Ta-tanga-tanga ka kasi.

2. Love Me Like The First Time (Stacy Lattisaw)

Sige, mag-ilusyon ka na babalikan ka pa nya. Hello... hindi. Move on ka na lang....dami mo pang arte.

3. I Just Had To Hear Your Voice (Oletta Adams)

The first time I played this song... kala ko naman feel good song ito... hindi! Ayan, kung di ka pa kuntento sa kakaiyak, tawagan mo pa... pakatanga ka ulit!

4. Missing You (Case)

Isa pa to. Lalo na, this is one of the songs I last gave my ex para sa ipod nya. Aba malay ko ba naman magiging relevant ito. (Come to think of it, may 2 cds pala ako sa ex ko.. o well.....good luck if I could still find a copy of those)

5. Love Will Find A Way (Blessid Union of Souls)

Ito ay isang version ng Wishing And Hoping And Praying. Uhm... hello, move on na nga eh ano ba!

6) Why (Avril Lavigne)

Kung psychologist ka naman or pshychiatrist or plainly psychotic.. ito ang song for you. Hala ubusin mo ang oras mo kakaisip bakit ka nya iniwan. Hint: Di ka na nya mahal... weeeeh! Dali move on na!

7. Back Here (BBMak)

I love BBmak.. pero nunca na magustuhan ko itong kantang ito. Naman.. Back here? Hello.... ilusyunado ka? Feeling mo babalikan ka? Untog mo nga yang ulo mo!

8. I Wish I Wasn't (Heather Headley)

I recommend the dance version, the one that comes as part of Anton Ramos' Chillout Project. Bakit? Eh dahil gusto ko eh, bakit ka ba nangingialam ha? Ako ang author!

9. Teardrops (Lovestation)

Anyway hindi ako mahilig sa sobrang emote na songs so I am recommending this.

10. Bleeding Love (Leona Lewis)

Isa pa to.. again, get the dance remix version. At pwede ba, go out on a date!

There are still a lot of beautiful songs to choose from but ayoko i-recommend coz MOVING ON is what were trying to accomplish here.

Sa mga nagaatempt mag-move on at sa mga nakapag-move on na, these songs are for you:

1. I Never Loved You Anyway (The Corrs)

This is my number one. I make sure na kapag iniwan ko or iniwanan ako, hindi ko babalikan.

2. Girl Friend (Avril Lavigne)

Ayan, this song is telling you to flirt, go out on dates and find a new GF/BF. Dont worry if at the first few attempts you dont find the right person.. Hello, remember you're on the rebound, take it easy muna. Remember, we dont make mistakes, we just date them.

3. Migraine (Moonstar88)

I like this one in particular. Its you telling yourself TAMA NA. Umayos ka na kung ayaw mo masaktan or kung ayaw mong saktan kita.

4. All Good Things (Come to An End)  (Nelly Furtado)

Again... wag magpakadalubhasa in trying to figure out what went wrong. Carry lang yan.

5. The First Cut Is The Deepest (Sheryl Crow)

Now this is truly a moving on song. Its you telling your new partner that you're ready to fall in love again.

6) Not Ready To Make Nice (Dixie Chicks)

Kung bitter ka pa rin sa kakainom ng Charantia... ito ang para sayo.

7. Outta My Head (Ashlee Simpson)

This is you forcing to get your ex off your mind.. off your heart na rin. Malay mo sa kaka-listen mo nito matauhan ka.

8. Moving On Up (M People)

Panalo din ito. Listen to it. Sabi ko listen... hindi dance to it.

9. Another Suitcase In Another Hall (Madonna)

Its you telling yourself you're moving on despite not knowing how. May kokontra pa ba kay Madonna?

10. Apologize (One Republic)

You tell yourself at this point, whatever left unsaid or not discussed by you and your ex... wala na yun... apologize nya mukha nya di ba. Hayaan mo na yung tao... tandaan mo palagi, be kind to animals.

11. Can We Still Be Friends (Todd Rundgren/Mandy Moore)

Leche ka, naghahanap ka talaga ng sakit ng ulo ano? Anong friends friends ka dyan? As a general rule, if you and your ex were friends first before you became an item, then by all means, be friends. Kung hindi naman, tigilan ang ilusyon (sabagay libre mangarap) and dont bother your ex. Remember, kung mahal ka nun, di ka iniwan nun hehehehehe.

12. Slow Me Down (Emmy Rossum)

The process of moving on is also a healing process. Wag madaliin. If you want to just sleep around then do so with no strings attached. A good advice... sleep with your ex's ex! Hahahaha ....... Trust me, you'll learn a lot.

13. Goodbye My Lover (James Blunt)

Ayan tama yan.. Mag-Goodbye ka na.. nag-goodbye na nga yung tao sayo eh! Isa pa.. ang training wag kalimutan.. hindi tayo umiiyak, tayo ang iniiyakan.

A saying goes: "Time doesn't heal old wounds. It just blurs the memory and softens the pain".  I don't really know who first said that but it makes sense. You don't need to force yourself to forget outright, rather, allow yourself to heal and to learn from all of the heartaches. In time, it will make you a much stronger and a better person.

Remember, we all deserve to be loved. That love may not come now, but it will be always there waiting for us when we learn to open new doors and welcome it in.

Siguro naman by this time nakapag-isip-isip ka na. O tayo na dyan, punasan ang mga luha at itabi ang tissue box. Maligo ka at ayusin mo yang sarili mo. Take care of your self.

Now smile and be happy. You deserve it.

Nya-nya-nya-nya-nyaaaah

Okay... I myself am starting to be grossed out of the images I am taking of myself (trust me, itis horrible in person) so I decided I will stop with my Varicella series today. I guess it is enough that I've seen myself at my ugliest and still manage to love me for me. Pffft! Eat your heart out.

The Train Ride That was Meant to Last 99 Years

Copyright Ritche F. Baria, February 02, 2010

From that day I saw an old couple, probably in their 60's, sharing trains with each other like as if it were their first, I've always hoped that I will share more train rides with you for the rest of our lives. And you said you would... From that moment on... I knew I will always look forward to that.

But here I am alone... looking past each building, each car, each post, every tree in sight, every glimpse of yellow sun that reminds me something is missing... it was you....

I keep on retracing each and every of our steps - every restaurant, every coffee shop, every cinema, every shop, everything that reminds me of a future that never will be. I guess I will be doing this for a while, maybe not to torture myself, but to remind myself not ever to allow my heart to get control of me.

Next stop, Ayala Station....

I remember this escalator, the very same escalator where you met me when you were shopping for your Halloween trimmings. I could recall each faint hello and giggle that went with it, and how surprised you were when I told you I was in Ayala. You were hungry then, but I said.. I'll take care of it... and I love taking care of you.

There goes that Max's restaurant where we made up after that night I walked out. Well, we almost didn't make up, but thanks to that couple who, in their eccentric minds started taking pictures, and made us laugh. You were meeting your friends then to attend Paulo's mom's birthday party. And on that night, you so proud to tell Tricia I was important... I guess I was... maybe...

Do you remember this activity area where we usually check out gadgets? You'll love what's on display. Being the photography fanatic that you are, you will droll over the lenses on display... but then again.. you are not here.

There's Food Choices.... remember how we just sit there over ice cream if we were too lazy to eat or think about eating... I could still see us seated and laughing about how other people would stare at us... yeah.. good times.

Who could forget the cinemas? You or me patiently waiting at Wendy's where we'd get food there or at Taters? The fries that you love, the fillets that I have been accustomed to eating.... the endless checking of merchandise at Rustan's while waiting for the screening.. (well you finally did get that bag you wanted)... and how you were irated by that attendant who made comments on you... yeah.. you always had it in you...

Now going to Greenbelt -- Topman, Topshop, Gola,name all the brands and we've been there... the late afternoon mass at Greenbelt which we couldnt finish either because of the heat or because we were impatient. And.... that's the bench where we argued and I walked out.... Sigh...I could explain to you again a hundred times that I did come back for you, but you weren't there.

Raging Storm.. Hahahaha! We showed them didn't we? We finished the entire game. Now no one's playing... No one seems to bother... No one seems to care touching those makeshift armalites.

Who could forget Centro? We were so pleased with that waitress that we decided to leave her a note written on tissues. But the waitresses/waiters there have been warm to us... maybe they were amused or glad.. I don't know anymore....

Recipes has been a new favorite. I told you that you will like Gising-gising.. and you did. I'm just glad now that at least, I was able to convince you to eat your veggies, now I know you will always be healthy...

Banana Leaf!!!!!! From that time we went to Cebu, we have always loved lamb curry. I remember standing in line outside that same door when I bought some for you when you stayed late for work. Like I said.. I do love taking good care of you....

Conti's! =) Pity they don't have that Mango Cream cake you love.. It's a good thing I was able to get you one whole cake before they phased it out... I wish I could find one for you again... Maybe not...

Greenbelt 1, Greenbelt 5 all restos and shops.... these all remind me of you... It gets harder and harder going around knowing that wherever I go, these all remind me of you. But this is the only way I can feel connected to you.

And Starbucks....the last place we ever saw each other, probably for the last time....I remember how controlled I was talking to you, you were as controlled as ever, and just that we didn't meet halfway. I never imagined that it will end that way... or this way.....

I keep on retracing the same steps till I get on that same train again....

Shangri-La? Where you bought my cake? Where you bought bibingka for your mom?

Megamall? Where you got me cookies and water when I was impatiently waiting for my turn at Smart?

Or should I go to The Block or Trinoma where everything began....? Asparagus wrapped in bacon for dinner? Movie starring Clive Owen "The International"? Coffee at Starbucks? Each and every memory playing in an endless loop...

The way I see it... my entire world revolved around you.. until the next 99 years...

I will keep on taking these trains, retracing these steps until finally one day, I will learn to give up..... maybe I won't.... But until that day.. these trains will still go on travelling their routes --- back and forth.... and who knows..... maybe when the time is right.... maybe we can share one train ride again.....

Maybe..... but I'm not counting on it anymore.......

Chapter One Begins

Yeah... yeah ... yeah... I know what you're going to say. What is this idiot doing blogging again? Well sweetie, you can take blogging away from any writer but you can never take writing away from any writer..... well sort of, you get my drift.

So anyway... tonight, my lil bro and I decided to have dinner. The poor kid has been trying real hard to squeeze into kuya's busy schedule and so finally, we found the time to catch up. The night was just starting to get weirder though....

I spent a few moments trying to pick the perfect ring for me and my Bubu . . . its long overdue anyway considering that its already our first month together. To accomplish this, I had to remove extra clothing - my vest, my jacket and my muffler.. how the hell do I know that there was a freaking sale in Ayala Center and that all sorts of creatures were in a hurry to grab all sorts of items at marked down prices??? Long story short, I looked like a bloody French gigolo wearing stripes and a pair of jeans (good thing Girbaud makes huge bags that I was able to fit all other pieces of clothing there).

So what does the perfect ring look like (No fucking gold please!)? The options were:

A) Plain and smooth ----- naaah, too pedestrian for Bubu's "Make Me A Supermodel" looks.
B) Matte with asterisk like patterns ---- Hoe much? Why don't you just wear a tag with the letters H O E to go with it
C) Smooth with undistinguishable patters ---- My precious... so Lord of The Rings-esque. Hello!
D) Combo of alternate lines and grains ---- perfect......too bad this doesnt come in platinum.But still perfect...

So Ive picked up the rings, I'll just have to give it to Bubu later... now off to meet my bro for dinner.

Like I said earlier..... the night just couldn't get weirder than this. As I was on my way to Greenbelt 1 with my usual bouncy walk..... This 6 feet Calvin Klein posterboy starts heading my way as if there was no other way but to collide with me. He had this grin on his face as if he was mocking me (but he wasn't) and just about a foot away between me and him bumping to each other, posterboy stops in front of me and gives me the lamest excuse for a closeup commercial. He had an even bigger grin on his face and he was dead on serious not to let me pass. What the fuck?

I was moments away from yelling but i decided to be polite, gave him a blank stare and tried to avoid by moving to my right (his left). Posterboy blocked my way. Jerk! I moved to my left (his right) to try to be on my way and he just blocked me again and still with that big grin on his face. This time I made my grunt louder so he knows he is annoying and that he is already pissing me off so he backed away, shook his head gave me a blank stare but as soon as my feet started to move he literally blocked me again and smiled. Asshole!

He only let me pass when he noticed that the people around us, especially those dining alfresco were already looking at us with prying eyes as if anticipating the inevitable. But posterboy moved away and I hurried to the nearest Starbucks for coffee (my 8th for the day). In a whisper, he said... "Suplado". (Mental note: I am not suplado, I am an asshole)

Just when I thought that I could have my coffee in peace, posterboy sits in front of me, smies, says hi and introduces himself. Before I could even utter the 'Are you fucking kidding me" phrase, he asks me to dinner. There I lost it, stood up and kicked one of the chairs to his direction (I'm sure it hit his left leg hard) and before the guard came to inquire what that was about, I have already gathered my stuff and left for Italianni's for dinner.

Mental Note: I am now appealing to both genders hahahaha!

More pizza and pasta the following day as I had lunch with my brother before we decided to watch SATC (Sex And The City). I was kinda hesitant about the movie though because I have this vibe that this might be a recap of all the episodes.. I hope not.

Movie started ok..... you have your usual typical plot until it started to become depressing when it got to the scene where Carrie was supposed to be married to Big and that the poor fellow had to ditch the bride. Dear lord, this is a summary of my life!

 Big is ditching Carrie because of some twisted comment made by Miranda.I had to sympathize with Miranda though, she was having a difficult night talking to Steve and dealing with his infidelity, but I don�t think that was the turning point as to why Big got cold feet. Anyway, the point is.. I am watching my life on the big screen (minus that wedding hullabaloo anyway) . I got scared.. I freaked out .. Images of my recent breakup started flooding my mind. Here we fucking go again.


Consider the following:


A) Like Carrie, I have three friends who helped me through the breakup � Jeff, Lola Bombshell and Ate Liezel.

 B) When I came to a point that I finally decided I had to move on, I also sat on one part of the beach reading my ex�s text messages from the breakup (I didn't throw my phone though.. hello.. drama much?) and there I decided that I had to get rid of my ring for good ( I mean like in a place where I wont be able to find it anymore � and yes I still cant find it hahahaha)

 C) Miranda was describing her sex life and... oh never mind.

 D) Big just took off, no explanation whatsoever. At least he had the courtesy of making it up to Carrie.. she's still lucky.

 E) Other stuff, but I don't wanna take the suspense from those who haven't seen the movie yet.

 As the movie progressed, there were a lot of similarities I have taken note of that pretty much described my past relationship. I really felt uncomfortable at first because it was like dealing with it from a 3rd person's perspective for the first time. Until I realized, my story ended like that of Samantha's. It just didn't work. It was time to let go.

If its any consolation, I have proven the following to be true:

 A) In order to move on, you have to forgive yourself first before you can actually forgive your ex and all her/his transgressions. If you have done so.. it wont matter whether there are still things left unsaid, possessions left unreturned (my CDs, my precious CDs hahaha), it just wont matter.

 B) When one is in love, one changes himself/herself to fit into the role that his/her partner wants him/her to be. In my case, I changed for my ex, I changed a lot of myself that I lost who I was, and I gave up a lot of things just to prove that I am willing to fight for the relationship. Sadly, my ex didn't see it that way.. my ex wasn't ready to give up certain things and fight for me, instead giving up was just the only solution available. I can assure you all though, you will never find anyone like me who is willing to give up everything just to save the relationship. Ako nagawa ko kahit mahirap... ewan ko sa inyo....hahahaha

 C) You can be friends with your ex. How willing are you or your ex to invest in that friendship is a different issue. Nonetheless, being polite is customary.

D) Everybody is entitled to a happy ending. It might not be the happy ending we all dream of, but nevertheless it is a happy ending.

 Now that I have another ring on my finger, I am excited at the same time scared (yeah.... I dont know how I have summoned the strength to travel at 11 in the evening just to give my Bubu the ring). Whatever this chapter is, however it progresses, and how it ends. I don't know. All I know is, Everybody deserves to love and be loved.

Hanggang Dito na Lang Ako

Trenta na ako. Hindi na ako bata at sa susunod na mga taon, mawawala na ako sa kalendaryo. Ilang araw na rin akong gumigising na masama ang loob, galit at umiiyak na naman na akala ko hindi ko na gagawin. Matagal-tagal ko na rin na hindi naramdaman ang galit at lungkot, pero aaminin ko lahat ng mga damdaming pilit ko nang ibinaon nang matagal na nagsipag-usbungan ulit. Hindi ko alam bakit. Malamang napakaaga pa para kamutin yung peklat ng mga sugat na kahihilom lang. Hindi dapat minamadali ang paghilom.

Ngunit sa bawat umaga na gumigisig ka na umiiyak, sa bawat gabing hindi ka makatulog sa pag-iisip o sa bawat pagkakataon na hindi ka makakain, doon mo napapatunayan sa sarili mo na kailangan mo ring mabuhay hindi para sa kung sino man, kungdi para sa sarili mo. Hindi rin ganun kadali na baguhin ang mga bagay na nakagisnan mo na at sa isang iglap maging perpektong tao na hindi na marunong umiyak at masaktan. Alam ko, marami sa inyo, hindi nyo ako maiintindihan.

Sa maikling panahon na tumigil ako ng kakaiyak, maraming magagandang bagay ang inihain sa akin — mabubuting kaibigan, pagkakataon para gawin ang mga bagay na hindi ko pa nagagawa, at makilala ang taong mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal ako… at mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal ko rin. At sa ilang araw na ito na muli na naman akong umiiyak, ewan ko kung bakit mahal na mahal pa rin nya ako, kahit alam kong nagseselos na sya. At kahapon, wala lang akong nasabi kungdi ang hilingin sa kanya na wag nya akong iiwan.

Oo, sa tanda kong ito pwede mo na akong ipagtayo ng rebulto. Kung may lugar lang ba sa Binondo o sa Luneta bakit hindi? Nakaktuwa din naman ano? Lagi na lang ako itong naiiwanan, lagi na lang ako itong nasasaktan sa kabila ng walang katapusang pangako ng mga taong minahal kona hindi nila ako iiwan. Ayoko na rin isipin na hindi sila mabubuting tao o nagsinungaling sila o hindi talaga nila ako minahal. Siguro naman, kahit papaano minahal din nila ako kahit na iniwannila ako sa kung ano mang dahilan … kahit na hindi ko pa alam.

Ang blog na ito, ito siguro ang saksi sa mga gabing hindi ako makatulog … sa dalawang araw na gising ako nang walang tulog at sa walang tigil kong pag-iyak sa lahat ng pagkakataong nasasaktan ako at iniiwan. Marami pa akong ibang blog hindi lang ito, patunay lang siguro na kahit ganito ako ka maldito, kailangan ko lang ng kausap. Ganun naman ako eh, nakakapagsulat lang ako kapag nasasaktan at nalulungkot kasi ayokong kinakaawaan ako ng mga kaibigan ko. Marahil sa pagkakataong ito, ganun lang talaga ako nasaktan, ganun lang talaga ako nagalit. Pero tama na.

Nakakatuwa din naman ano ….. pinagtago na naman kami ng taong di ko kinakausap at hindi ako kinakausap sa isang lugar kung saan nagsimula ang lahat. At ang mas nakakatuwang bahagi ng dalawang araw na yon, alam naming nandoon kami sa iisang lugar pero hindi pa rin kami nag-usap. Pagpasensyahan mo na kung hindi maayos ang pagkakabati ko sayo ha? Hindi ko alam kung papaano kita babatiin o kakausapin. Pero mabuti na rinyung ganun. Hayaan mo na kung ano man yung kailangan mo pang ipaliwanag.. wala na yun. Tapos na yun. Para namang di tayo magkaibigan.

Pero aaminin ko sayo, nung birthday ko, buong umaga lang akong nakaupo doon sa dalampasigan kung saan tayo palagi nakaupo at nangangarap. Hindi ka dumating. Hindi ko rin inaasahan. Marahil, hudyat na rin ito para doon tapusin ang lahat. Wala na akong sama ng loob sayo, hindi na rin ako galit.

At sa taong mahal na mahal ako ….. salamat. Salamat dahil hindi mo ako iniwan. Salamat dahil kahit wala man tayong ganung yaman, magkasama tayo. Salamat dahil kahit sa simpleng pagkain na pinagsasaluhan natin minahal mo pa rin ako. Salamat dahil kahit ang kukulit natin hindi tayo nag-aaway at hindi natatapos ang araw na hindi tayo nagkakabati. Salamat dahil nakikinig ka sa akin at ako din naman sayo. Salamat dahil nakilala ko pamilya mo at tanggap nila ako. Salamat dahil kahit nagseselos ka sa kanya mahal mo pa rin ako at hindi ka nauubusan ng pagmamahal. Salamat dahil gusto mo akong pakasalan (hahaha paano kaya yun?Las Vegas ba pwede?) At salamat dahil nandyan ka lang.

Dito na muna magtatapos itong blog na ito.

Hanggang dito na lang ako…… Masaya na ulit ako……….

MIGRAINE
By: Moonstar88

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito lang ako, nangangarap na mapa-sayo
Hindi sinasadya
Na hanapin pa ang lugar ko
Asan nga ba ako? Andiyan pa ba sa iyo?

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?

Nasusuka ako, kinakain na ang loob
Masakit na mga tuhod, kailangan bang lumuhod?
Gusto ko lang naman, yung totoo
Hindi po ang sagot, hindi rin isang tanong

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?

Dahil, di na makatulog (makatulog)
Dahil di na makakain (makakain)
Dahil di na makatawa (makatawa)
Dahil, di na

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito na lang ako

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo… Nahihilo…
Nalilito…

Awakening

Today , the rest of my life begins…

Looking back on the year that was, I have realized that there is still more room to improve and be good at being a human being. Unfortunately,I don’t classify myself as one.

I decided that I want to accomplish the following:

A) Graduate with flying colors from law school, land a spot at the Bar exams.
B) Travel travel travel
C) Start writing again
D) Go home more often and spend more time with my parents
E) Spend more time with my sister on weekends
F) Find more time to be with the one I love
G) Learn how to sail, enroll in sailing lessons at Manila Yacht Club
H) Learn how to cook
I) Maximize the use of my Sun Cellular account
J) Find more time to play with my girls Gucci and Sleepy
K) Run more laps on weekends
L) Eat healthier foods
M) Slim down to a size 28 (again)
N) Sleep before 11 pm
O) Take care of my hair
P) Invest in clothes

I have also realized and have come to terms with the following flaws:

A) I have poor taste in partners
B) The average realistic number of releases in a span of 12 hours is three.
C) My natural hair color is dark brown
D) I dont take crap from anyone
E) I refuse to smile just for the sake of politeness
F) I go for extreme diets
G) I can be single and not care.
H) I don’t forgive easily.
I) I can be the next Hitler
J) I expect the people who have wronged me to suffer, if not, I make them suffer

I wish I could stay the same naive, sweet, caring gentleman but no. Sometimes, certain events in ones life cause them to become monsters. I grew fangs and claws in a month. I refuse to care anymore.

Perhaps I am a symptom of the times to come, or a victim of circumstances, but I blame no one. I am going to prevail.

A Chapter Closes.... A Story Begins

I didn't realize that it will take me this soon to set foot here. I've always told myself that I wanted to keep Galera's memories same as the day I first set foot in there two years ago. But I guess, fate just sometimes plays tricks on you and you find yourself in circles, retracing your steps and seeing old and familiar faces.

I guess it's about time a chapter in my life closes. After all, that chapter began here, the story progressed with Galera as part and parcel of it and its just fitting that all characters die and the story ends here. And again... fate just had to play with me and all the characters involved. Was it a ploy to start a new chapter? Deus ex machina for the lead character? Or was it just plain bullshit.

Yes... I met the antagonist today (my ex). I dunno how.... I dunno why. But I guess sometimes, you just have to have faith in fate and believe that she knows what the fuck she's doing. Well I don't. Put it this way... what do you say to someone you spent two years of your life with, disappeared without a trace and didn't even bother to explain face to face why. Do you seriously expect me to believe that if the person initiates a conversation, it is out of kindness? That would be fucking twisted.

But I guess my parents raised me well and so I replied with a cordial nod when I heard my name. I think that was fair enough considering what was done to me. And I so remembered one of my ex's texts.... " Rich, I don't care anymore", date and time stamped March 22, 2008, 10:51 pm. ( Oh yes, I kept each and every text to remind me not to be played like this ever again). So why the hell should I care?

But I remembered... my ex and I talked about beig friends and I promised my ex we will be friends... I dunno how its gonna work. But I am a man of my word. But I believe for friendships to work, both parties have to have a conscious effort of making it work. I never saw any...... and I wasn't the one who left so.. go figure....

Its just that how can you take the word of someone who can't even have the courtesy of showing face? Again... faith ....... a little faith ....... If we were meant to be friends, we will be friends. On my part...., I have given the person all the time to talk to me for over a month, lets say even today.... but nada.... so do the math.

I took time to just sit at Jurassic today early 6am till about 9am just to throw back and cast to the sea all images of places, people and events in my mind. I dont want any of it anymore. Its taking up space and I have to make room for new memories.

So how does this story end? We both walk away in opposite directions and we never look back. We are both happy with the choices we made, we stand by the choices we made, we both have moved on from what has been ---- a pretend whirlwind love affair that never was. Just a big overplayed, over extended LIE.

The End.

THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY
by: Wendy Matthews

Hey, does it ever make you wonder what’s on my mind
I, I was only ever running to your side
I never cried, I just watched my life go by
It’s just a pack of lies,
’cause you’re leaving me behind
Why, after this long is there nothing
I’ll keep, oh, I can shout
you’ll pretend you’re falling asleep
I live a lie, yeah, believing that you’re mine
It’s just a waste of time
’cause you’re leaving me behind

Hey, there’s not a cloud in the sky
It’s as blue as your goodbye
and I thought it would rain
on a day like today
Hey, there’s not a cloud in sight
it’s as blue as your blue goodbye
and I thought it would rain
the day you went away

Hey, does it ever make you wonder what’s on my mind
I was only ever running back to your side
Hey, there’s not a cloud in the sky
it’s as blue as your goodbye
and I thought it would rain
on a day like today

Hey, there’s not a cloud in sight
it’s as blue as your blue goodbey
and I thought it would rain
the day you went away

He’s on the buses, and the aeroplanes
with some groceries and a sleeping bag

Nostalgia is a Piece of Crap

My mobile was ringing off the hook today receiving calls from my bosses and text messages but there was one particular annoying instance that my phone had to vibrate endlessly and give out a high pitched alarm to remind me of something. Now what could be that life changing event that I had to remind myself of? I picked up my phone just to check what it is and to my dismay, the screen flashes ..."ANNIVERSARY"..... Oh yeah I forgot to update my calendar.Actually the supposed "anniversary" is tomorrow but at that time I entered the reminder into my calendar, I thought I'd plan ahead. Wrooonnngggg!

Now, I'm finding several things Ive never thought I have kept like the floral patterned paper which wrapped the flowers I got from last year, Libby the Lobster (who I thought was already suffocating from being inside my drawer for more than a month now) and other stuff. But what do these things mean anyway? Nothing really.... just memories of a makeshift past. Do I wanna go to Starbucks West Avenue tomorrow and hang-out for a while to close this cycle? I dunno. Sounds like a chore.

After tomorrow, May 08 will lose its significance. It will just be one of the numbers you mark on a calendar to signify that the day has passed. No more cake, no more flowers, no more Happy Anniversary card, no more Starbucks West Avenue.

Its time to stop caring, after all, it was just all pretend and bullshit.