Spaced Out

*************************
PETER PAN TURNS 30
*************************
Speaking of aging, I'm turning 30 next month. Yes, I'm no longer part of your age bracket you half-wit moron! But I'll be the hottest 30 year old there is, yup, you can bet on that. After all I'm single, so its ok to be hot. A friend commented last time that turning 30 means being yummy. Thirty after all is the age of yumminess he says (though he hasn't explained how or why). I was looking at my photos today, back when I was 5 till right about college. My gulay, what's this layer under my eye... lines here and there.... I'm really getting old, and I am Peter Pan. I refuse to grow old.

*********************
THE FOOD FREAK
*********************
It feels like that my internal organs are shrinking. I used to eat a lot and I have this feeling that I would die without food. But now, its the other way around. I control food, I dont let it control me, which is a good thing because I dont have to take supplements just to lose weight. My body is having a hard time getting used to the new routine though. I have this Monday sickness after a good jog every Sunday. Hopefully soon, I will be able to do more laps around CCP.

*********************
MEET THE X-MEN
*********************
Its difficult to bump into your friend's ex. (I didnt know he was also an ex till like about a week ago and he and I aren't really that close except that one time that for the lack of normal people to talk to, we had a conversation) Initially, I think we both played in our minds how the conversation will be like. I mean, common... what do you talk about except your exs, the only common denominator besides that ego? Surprisingly, we were able to talk about a lot of things other than our exs while managing to keep our thought processes at bay. He seems ok now (you hear that Daphne! The asshole you refer to as a BF is now ok and has moved on! Girl you better get your act together and you have some explaining to do). Its good to have a support group such as this one, not that I need any by the way. Love hurts, deal with it. Like we care.

*************************************************** ***********
POST BREAK-UP SIDE COMMENTS SERVED WITH RICE
*************************************************** ***********
Some people are just insensitive mindless assholes. They are just so tactless that they blurt out whatever comes to mind.

C: Well, at last single ka na, so pwede na kita tikman?
(You wish! Maligo ka muna dun sa dagat. Maglublob ka ha, wag kang aahon hanggang hindi ko sinasabi)

W: So what if you're single, tingnan mo ang gwapo mo ngayon, may cheekbones ka na ulit.
(Excuse me, matagal na akong gwapo! At bakit ka ba nangigialam ha, close tayo? Asikasuhin mo kaya yang lovelife mo para magka-bf ka na!)

R: Well, that's unfair you ought to have received an explanation, Eh kung ako ba pinili mo eh di hindi ka single?
(Oh, so? Kala mo naman papatulan kita? Mamamatay kang hindi mo ko matitikman!)

A: Single, ikaw? Kelan pa. Sorry, but I'm not qualified to go into details with you of all things concerning your breakup. Ako nga may problema eh.
(Ay Bes, ikaw yan? Salamat ha? Oo nga pala I forgot, you have problems too)

D: Hey son, I am not avoiding you, I am in India for two weeks now, doing a project here.
(Uhm... uhm.... so?)

W: Haaaaay... yun lang... iniiyakan mo. For crying out loud kuya, I would understand if thats a watch or a shoe that you lost pero yan lang?
(Oh I'm sorry, I must have forgotten the fact that your BF is in the US for 3 months now and has left you here in a fantasy relationship in your mind. Bottomline, asan sya?)

L: I feel guilty, I never thought I'd like you.
(No comment)

*******************
RICE SHORTAGE
*******************
Ah meron bang shortage? Di ko naramdaman. Matatakot ako pag merong cereal shortage... Seriously, the people have to calm down, and the government has to admit there is a problem. Common, the shit already hit the fan, its stinking everywhere... Filipinos are not stupid you know.

I thought I wouldnt think of anything to write........

Galera

Copyright Ritche F. Baria

Ang sabi sa akin dati, ang taong kasama mo sa paglubog ng araw sa Puerto Galera, ang syang makakatuluyan mo. Pinaniwalaan ko ito. Kaytagal kong hinangad na makapunta ng Puerto Galera sa pag-aakalang, doon ko makikita ang taong makakasama ko sa buong buhay ko. Nakita ko sya sa Galera, magkasama kami sa ilang ulit na paglubog ng araw... pero mag-isa ako ngayon. Wala na siya. Nagkamali ako.

Maraming alaala ang Galera. Mga puting buhangin kung saan kami naglakad sa init ng araw, bughaw na tubig kung saan kami minsan nagtampisaw, mga pako sa kisame, mga buhangin sa kama, maingay na cable tv na wala namang cable na syang naghehele sa amin sa aming pagtulog, mga bituin at ilaw ng cellphone na gabay sa paglalakad sa madilim na dalampasigan. Wala na lahat iyon. Nilamon na ng alon.

Sa dami ng alaalang ito, hindi ko makuhang tumuntong ng Galera. Hindi dahil sa hindi ko kaya, hindi dahil sa nalulungkot ako, pero may mga bagay at lugar na gusto mo na lang hayaang magtago ng lahat ng magagandang bagay na nangyari sa isang kabanata ng iyong buhay. Mga ngiting nakaukit sa dalampasigan, mga pangarap na nakalutang lang sa alon. Lahat iyon - doon lang mananatili hanggang dumating ang araw na kaya na ulit silang buuin. Kaya na ulit silang ipaglaban, kaya na ulit silang buhayin.

Isang araw, uupo ulit ako sa dalampasigan ng Galera at maghihintay sa paglubog ng araw. Hindi ko alam kung darating ka. Hindi ko na inaasahan. Pero sana, sa pagkakataong ito, kung sino man ang umupo sa tabi ko at mangarap kasama ako, sana totoo na ito.

The Perfect "Pasta"

The perfect pasta, in order to be perfect requires not a ton of ingredients - just care, passion and love. To enjoy the perfect pasta, one must have the appreciation of the same key ingredients from where it was prepared - care, passion and love. Extreme care as to not to upset your host, passion for anything that may be experimental, and love, lots of love to appreciate the effort. This is the perfect pasta.

But I’m not really talking about pasta am I? But that was good pasta. =)

Feed Me!

For the past few days, food has not been tasting good. I wonder if its a psychological reaction to the drama that was, or if my organs are shrinking (but then there would be no relationship whatsoever to the fact that food doesn’t taste good, dummy…) (asawa ko would always tell me, tart you’re weirder than usual.. haha….. )

So anyway, back to food, because I have not been having this vibe to eat, I have been eating smaller portions of all kinds of stuff and luckily, I have been able to control my appetite. It was just yesterday that I kept stuffing myself with arrabiata and raspberry iced tea. (More pasta to come tomorrow, and I’ll finally learn another recipe).

As soon as I get my tastebuds fine tuned (talagang fine tuned daw o!) I shall start eating and eating and eating and eating again. I miss eating. I miss the nightly icecream extravaganza at home. (Well yeah I have been living on milk and designer cereal for the past 2 weeks now. Yes, designer cereal — thats what I call ‘em).

People at home have been thriving on lechon and meat for a few days now. I can’t stand the oil, the fat eeeek. Its like heart attack in its raw form. I opted to eat nuts instead.. lots and lots of nuts (look ma no pimples!)

I can’t wait for dinner later….

Yeng Constantino: Cool Off

I do not know who Yeng Constantino is, I am not familiar with her music either. But today, I became a fan. She has a way of conveying emotion into her songs that make her so convincing. Anyway, I came across this song, I’m sharing this with you. Its called Cool Off.

COOL OFF
Yeng Constantino


Wala akong iba
Di tulad ng iyong hinala

Sarili ay di maintindihan
Hindi ko malaman,Ano ba ang dahilan
Nang pansamantalang paghingi ko ng kalayaan
Minamahal kita,Pero kaylangan ko lang mag-isa

(Chorus)
Wag mong isipin na hindi kana mahal
Sarili ko`y hahanapin ko lang
At ang panahon at ang oras ng aking pagkawala
Ay para rin sa ating dalawa

Wag ka sanang lumuha
Sana`y intindihin
Ito ang dapat nating gawin
Upang magkakilala pa
At malaman kung tayo
Ay para sa isa`t isa

Wag mong pigilin ang damdamin
Sa aking pagkawala,Makahanap ka bigla ng iba

Ngunit pakakatandaan
Na mahal pa rin kita,Pero kaylangan ko lang mag-isa

(Chorus)
Wag mong isipin na hindi kana mahal
Sarili ko`y hahanapin ko lang
At ang panahon at ang oras ng aking pagkawala
Ay para rin sa ating dalawa
ahh yeah……..

Sarili ay di maintindihan
Hindi ko malaman,Ano ba ang dahilan
Nang pansamantalang paghingi ko ng kalayaan
Minamahal kita, Pero kilangan ko lang mag-isa

(Chorus)
Wag mong isipin na hindi kana mahal
Sarili ko`y hahanapin ko lang
At ang panahon at ang oras ng aking pagkawala
Ay para rin sa ating…

(Chorus)
Wag mong isipin na hindi kana mahal
Sarili ko`y hahanapin ko lang
At ang panahon at ang oras ng aking pagkawala
Ay para rin sa ating dalawa..
ahh yeah ahh wooooooooooooo..

Ok, I dunno about the last part but this song rocks.

Status: Single? In a Relationship? Married?

IN A RELATIONSHIP

Last week, my profile says the above and a lot of people reading my blogs have been commenting that I should already update my profile. They really had to rub it in my face that I am already single and hence I should indicate the same. For what purpose? Wala lang... (Then why bother). I decided to maintain the same status because.... well, for obvious reasons .... until I saw what I needed to see to motivate me to change mine.

SINGLE

Two days after confirming that it was over and after finally coming to terms with the same fact, I changed my status to (drum roll....) single. Well since everybody has been trying to urge me to be very politically correct I had to abide by the majority, although it was bit confusing at first (and nauseating). Bad idea. Old friends and.... yeah, "old friends" suddenly started establishing communication from all directions and media: Email here, a YM there, a text here, more phone calls there..... common people! Some people are just so insensitive. They must have forgotten that I was soaked in my own tears a few days ago. I'm comfortable with my old routine: Home, work, mall, home. Being out with groups doesnt seem to add up and fit in to my goals.

MARRIED

This morning, I was going thru my stuff. I found a birthday card (last year) and another card dated May 12, 2006 (this came with a blue rose). Both had the same messages. I couldnt help but cry. MIss ko na asawa ko. And then I realized something: I made that commitment, and whether or not the other party honors the same commitment, I have to honor mine. simply put, it became clearer to me now, that while I may be alone, I am not single. I'm actually married and forever taken. Hence, the new status: MARRIED. But then again a lot of people, more people sent me crazy messages today. In my mind... bakit ba kayo nakikialam....

ITS COMPLICATED

O, siguro naman wala nang magrereact? Umayos kayo!

I Just Had to Hear Your Voice: Oletta Adams

I know you thought it best
That we spend a little time apart
But one night with out you
Was too much for my heart
I know I promised not to call
Sorry but I didn't have a choice
I just had to hear your voice

I had to know that you're okay
I couldn't get to sleep this way

Please don't be mad at me
'Cause I really did the best I could
Not to dial your number but it didn't do much good
Hung up the phone so many times
'Til I didn't have a choice
I just had to hear your voice

I had to know that you're okay
I couldn't get to sleep this way
And I had to hear you say hello
Had to hear you, because I love you so

I know you thought it best
That we spend a little time apart
But I had to hear your voice
Though I know it wasn't right
I just had to hear your voice
Goodnight

A Storm is Brewing

Good morning world! The asshole is back. It has been quite an effort to getting used to being weak and vulnerable for years now that I forgot who I am. That was bullshit. And I never take crap from anyone.

Conversations with a good friend last night made me go into introspective mode and realize certain truths about the grey areas of my life that I have been trying to uncover. Some, I can't even bring to write here. I refuse to provide the detonation sequence of what is about to come. But I'm glad I had that conversation.

I have uncovered several behavioral patterns that have manifested, several coherences in actions that are too good to be true (and usually they are), and never ending cycles that are continuously playing at an endless loop. The latest casualty --- ME. Stupid, stupid stupid me. It was a con, years in the making, planned very carefully, and executed with precision. Bravo!

The end result? Me falling in line after each and every casualty. Now there is a new record to break. Mine. Hahahaha. Pitiful are those who follow in my footsteps and are now in my shoes. Brace yourselves ... another storm is coming .... ME.