Requiem

I cant bring myself to even finish putting my thoughts into paper, nor my thoughts into words. I feel like I am about to crash and enter entropy. I am dying.... A few more days, I'd either slit my wrists, get into an overdose and no one will even notice I am gone. No one will care.

As I come to terms with my own mortality, I see faces of people I don't even remember anymore, or perhaps, these were the same people I tried to forget. They're all mocking me.... all laughing at me .... but I don't have the strength to argue nor do I have the will to explain.

I see your face again...... only your face......

By this time, you ought to be fading away from my thoughts... you ought to have stopped haunting me in my dreams.... But no. I see your face even with my waking eye. What have you done to me....

I can only hope that by the time I catch my last breath.. your face escapes my thoughts, but try as I may, every time I go weaker and weaker, you end up mocking me again. How could you......

Yes how could you ........?

.... fall apart and leave me with broken pieces of us --- broken dreams, broken promises, broken hearts. How do you expect me to put these pieces back together... I'm missing a piece here, another one there... Arrrrgh.....

.... smile at me pretending everything is ok when you can just simply grab my heart and crush it before me.... I have always been weak for you, you could have just killed me....

.... say that you want to be with me when you can leave me and push me away. I begged for you to love me... but you kept on pushing me back.. pushing and pushing, harder each time.... until I finally find myself alone.... now where are you....?

.... tell me you love me every night, every moment .... when you never meant it.... Your words escape you.... I don't mean anything at all ..... I am just a burden that you try to get by with, the unhappiness that you survive each day...... I was never someone you loved....

Can't you stop being mad for once and listen to me? I try so hard to explain .... but you keep pushing me back... I tried to tell you you misunderstood... but you're always right... I tried...... but you don't seem to listen...you don't care... NOT ANYMORE. You're too busy not to care and you didn't even hear a word I said. You don't care?

I do not take account of the things I have lost, family who have abandoned me, because there was you..... and you don't care? I didn't realize that two years was too short to not care at all..... Still, I can't even tell the world what I am feeling right now.


You're gone.......


Gone .....

.... where the waves of the see no longer greet me when I say hello.

---- where the paths we have once taken have become twisted in circles

---- where the roars of our laughter are deafened by the silence of pain

---- where all dreams forged on sandy shores are washed away by the mad tides of change

.... where the sun sets to an eternity of darkness

.... where there is no us...., but just me, and the broken pieces that lay before me


You're really gone.....


I'll see you soon.......

.... where the waves meet us each time we say hello

.... where the paths we take lead us both home

.... where the roars of our laughter echo in our souls

..... where the dreams we forged on sandy shores are strengthened by our children

..... where there is us, and there is only love....


But for now... let me die in peace.