Today, I have finally come to terms with the fact that you perfectly laid me in your palms and me me dance to whatever beat you are playing. You have played me perfectly well. I have to give it to you, you are a master in the art of deception. It amazes me how you can look at me sincerely and lie.
I have come to terms with the fact that saying "I love you" has become tantamount to saying "I want to fart" or "I want to hit the crapper". "I, LOVE and YOU doesn't seem to mean anything anymore, and that words sometimes escape you just to be polite to me, but not mean anything at all.
I have come to terms with the fact that I was stupid to believe all of your lies, and maybe, if you'll lie again, I might even believe you. You are so good at it. You deserve an award for such expertise. Schools of thought should be formulated in your honor.
I was stupid....Stupid to think that you actually loved me. Stupid to think that I was the only one. Stupid to think that I could have a future with you. Stupid for almost putting everything aside just for you. Stupid for disarming my defenses just to let you in.
But I did love you...
I loved how you lied to love me. Loved how you lied to care. Loved how you lied to make me feel special. Loved how you lied to be there.
At some point, I have to thank you though. Thank you for allowing me to love myself more. Thank you for allowing me to love, or at least see the ugly side of it. Thank you for allowing me to see right thru all of your lies and ask myself if I were willing to settle with your lies, or find someone who's willing to love me, just me...
I will never know how our story should have progressed - our plans to move in together, to just simply cuddle and watch the years pass us by. The long walks and senseless talks, your hand pressing against mine. Your lips, your eyes, your hair... You are but a blur of memory.
I have finally let go of you. And I don't want you back in my mind, in my heart, and nowehere near my soul. You are poison. You were, you are, and you will never be good for anyone who truly loves you. You will simply go on with your games, clueless, reckless games and your naïve interpretation of love - you will hurt more of those who love you with reckless abandon. You are damaged goods.
You had my heart... You broke it.
From the pieces of this broken heart, and the wounds you left from my mending it, I was able to find a way to love again, and I have. I will. But you will never know how. You will let love pass you by, and will consume the hearts of those who try to love you. I will never be the same because of you.
You will never find love, like the love I oferred you. The kind of love that ignores your flaws, sees only the best; the kind of love that never invests on your physicality, only hopes for what is to unfold; the kind of love that offers a glimmer of future for you, not just now; the kind of love which does not rush, but patiently waits for you. Never will you find that love again. And when the time comes that you finally decide that you need to be loved. I won't be there.
You lost me babe.
Goodluck finding another me.
Insincerely yours,
ME
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