I never liked Christmas. I can’t even remember the last time I celebrated real Christmas. I am well aware as to why it is being celebrated and yes, I am thankful for the Lord GOD for giving us his son to save us, but the way I see it, I started to hate Christmas not because I am a non-believer, but because Christmas has become so commercial. Yes, too commercial to the point that you will even question yourself if there is an appropriate way of celebrating Christmas.
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As my sister and I grew older, we became more involved in the preparations for Noche Buena. We had our own tasks and dish assignments (don’t get me wrong, I never cook, I never have and I never will. It’s just that I took the liberty of classifying tossing or heating food as cooking so sue me) and we were pretty good at it. Maybe not, but our parents convinced us and swore with their lives that it was the best tasting food they ever had. We were content with this tradition, we never really cared about gifts and we made do with whatever our parents or relatives gave us. It was not that important.
Thanks to the educational system, we were introduced to the concept of exchange gifts and parties. And so, every year, we made sure we had new clothes in time for our Christmas parties (yes, who would have thought that a grade school kid can’t have enough partying ). At this point, I have perfected my maja blanca and I have been boasting about it. I even had to wake up at five in the morning to choose the coconuts that our trusty helper would pick for my dish. (Yes, as early as seven, I was a control freak bossing people older than me around).
These routines, while alien to the concept of just being with family and the the people you love went on till I finished high school. It was worse in high school, being one of the more popular kids in school. Preparations were like a space shuttle launch and my grandmother had to intervene with her Arroz ala Valenciana to the rescue. (Yes, it’s staple for All Saint’s Day but my lola figured we should do away with traditions anyway, so hello Valenciana on Christmas parties).
I moved out when I turned 16. I know it is unconventional for Filipinos but I was so caught up with this lady’s speech saying that a parent’s responsibility to a child ends after high school. I believed that and I shipped myself to Manila, sent myself to school and the rest they say is history (or maybe another story but let’s try to focus on Christmas here). College was different (have you actually counted the number of times I used the word different to make a point?). By different, I am referring to the fact that come December, you no longer know each other, simply say goodbye, and say hello again come January. No more Christmas parties, no more exchange gifts, no more simple get togethers. That has been my routine for the succeeding six years (yes, I finished two courses, don’t get any funny idea).
Nothing much changed even when I started working. I have been alienating more and more people at the onset of December. I’m like the Christmas Ampalaya, so full of negativity and bitterness – bitterness not because of any other reason but I can’t seem to reason with myself why I should continue on celebrating Christmas ever single year.
I do not know exactly when, and at what particular stage of my life I lost the magic of Christmas. I wouldn’t even call it magic, as it’s more of a feeling, than something visible. I’ve lost the longing to give gifts, to go home and be with my family. I have been accustomed to spending Christmases by myself, well not at first but I got used to it. I lost the urge to prepare food, I seemed to have forgotten how to prepare maja blanca or arroz ala valenciana anymore. And every year, you see advertisements on the “perfect” Christmas.
But what is the perfect Christmas anyway? Is it just merely a tradition of showing up at parties, smiling at people and enjoying their company while exchanging gifts, gifts you picked up out of nowhere just to take part of the concept of giving? What give a mug, and that already is Christmas? Is it showing up at mass everyday hoping that your wishes be granted? Or religiously going to church just to accompany some girl you have a huge crush on? Is it inviting people into your house with the underlying reason of flaunting your wealth?
I want to be one of the few to break tradition – to celebrate Christmas at any given date for as long as me, my sister and my parents are in one table sharing a home cooked meal, nothing fancy, just the four of us with whatever food is on the table. I want Christmas to be any given time on any street where I help an old lady cross the street, talk to some complete stranger and share laughs with them or maybe teach a child to read. I want Christmas to be at any given place and time for as long as the intention of giving love and sharing love is there, no gifts, no parties, just pure love.
I’m going home on January and I will celebrate Christmas with my family regardless of the circumstances. I’m gonna relive those moments when I started singing Joy To The World, or learned to prepare maja blanca or valenciana. I’m going to enjoy it like a five year old again.
I guess I better find another cassette tape to ruin then.....
