It Has Always Been You

It bothers you that most people know how your future will end, better than you do. It bothers you that they get every detail, every emotion and every scenario into proper perspective and that they are usually right. And it hurts that they are right.

You have always been optimistic. You have always had pride in being resilient, and you have always had faced every dark moment of you life head high, even those moments that other people have put you through. Sometimes, it offends you knowing that you don't have to endure these circumstance. mostly not of your own doing. and mostly, you are only a victim of, and yet you do endure them while you get neither any apology nor sympathy from those who put you there in the first place.

Photo Credit : A2GEMMA

It is pathetic to have regrets, putting the needs of other people first than yours, not only because you respect them so much, but because you refuse to add on to their many problems, mostly, of their doing - problems that do not concern you, and you are merely a victim of. You hate it when other people point it out to me and that they are right.

And here you are again, being the same pushover waiting, just because people tell you to wait for good fortune and opportunities to strike, You should probably convince yourself that good fortune, like lightning only strikes but once. If you get hit twice, by good fortune, hopefully, and not by lightning, then you are one lucky bastard.

And so, here you are, at past midnight, contemplating on life, how to provide more for your family, comparing yourself with friends from college, especially those who seem to have the easy way out of things, yet come out victorious in the end. Here you are asking yourself, if you have figured it all out, and if you did, have you lost your way? If you haven't, then when will you figure it out? Will you still be alive by then to realize that you have already figured it out?

And then you realize that you have figured it out, yet you allowed yourself to be used because of some sick obsession of being in pain, of finding joy in being hurt, or maybe, you have been playing the victim for so long that you have become quite adept at it. Life has already hit you in the face and you never have recognized it. You only do, when it has already passed you by and has moved on.

And you, you start to wonder what went wrong.

Well in case you haven't figured it out yet, I'll tell you what went wrong..... YOU.

You allowed yourself yo be the victim instead of being the hero that rescues you. You allowed yourself to be the pushover that gives people the license to use you and abuse you for the wrong reasons, instead of being the one who has control of your life and your future. And lastly, you allowed yourself to drown in the illusion that things will get better, that things will change, instead of being the captain of that ship which sails to a better future.

Yes, it is all on you, it has always been you.

Now that you know, you have the option to take control of your life. Seize every moment, every opportunity to control your life and steer it in whichever direction that you think will lead you to that beautiful future that you have always dreamed of. Live your life on your own terms, at your own pace and move forward from whatever it is that you feel like is holding you back from being 101% of the person that you feel you can become.

The power is in your hands. Use it. Change your life, change your future,

Skinny Love (Birdy)

And I told you to be patient,

And I told you to be fine,

And I told you to be balanced,

And I told you to be kind,

And now all your love is wasted,

Then who the hell was I?

Happy Birthday 37!

Another year, another number added to my age. Seems like a big deal when you think about it considering that I've known a lot of people younger than me, or about the same age as I am who recently died. I am still lucky to be alive, fighting thru life and all the nasty things that it throws at me. I am still lucky to be alive.

Not being ungrateful, I am recalling the achievements that I have had in the past 36 years, and I am still unimpressed. Unimpressed, maybe, because trhere are a lot of people who are younger than me who seem to be doing well in figuring out the path that the good Lord has laid out for them, I on the other hand, am still in the process of trial and error. It sucks I know, but this is the reality of life.

Despite this, I am thankful. Thankful for my family and the person I love, who have been with me every step of the way; thankful for friends who never seem to care about time, space and distance, and thankful for this life in general.

What is out there? I dunno. But I am more confident than ever that I will figure it out.

Moving On Thru Music (Read: What's Playing on Your iPod Loser?)

Sometimes we are so busy being happy that we forget to give back to society - to help the poor (read: the broken hearted), the needy (read: those who refuse to move on) and the unemployed (read: those who have moved on but are single).

Moving on is a very difficult process. It is even an understatement to describe it as difficult (trust me I've been there) and it takes a lot of time, effort and conviction to realize that you need to get yourself out of a situation that is no longer doing you any good.

Ayaw nyo pa mag move-on? Hala sige, pakalunod kayo kakaiyak as if naman babalikan pa kayo nun. Kung ready naman kayo na makalimot at magbukas ng bagong chapter sa mga buhay ninyo, then read on.

Photo Credits : BILL SELAK

In my own little way, I would like to do my share by helping those who refuse to move on from their broken hearts and their failed relationships. I am recommending the following breakup songs for them:

1. The Day You Went Away (Wendy Matthews)

Panalo ka dito. You'll feel like as if your world will fall apart. Take it from me, naka-relate ako dito. Ta-tanga-tanga ka kasi.

2. Love Me Like The First Time (Stacy Lattisaw)

Sige, mag-ilusyon ka na babalikan ka pa nya. Hello... hindi. Move on ka na lang....dami mo pang arte.

3. I Just Had To Hear Your Voice (Oletta Adams)

The first time I played this song... kala ko naman feel good song ito... hindi! Ayan, kung di ka pa kuntento sa kakaiyak, tawagan mo pa... pakatanga ka ulit!

4. Missing You (Case)

Isa pa to. Lalo na, this is one of the songs I last gave my ex para sa ipod nya. Aba malay ko ba naman magiging relevant ito. (Come to think of it, may 2 cds pala ako sa ex ko.. o well.....good luck if I could still find a copy of those)

5. Love Will Find A Way (Blessid Union of Souls)

Ito ay isang version ng Wishing And Hoping And Praying. Uhm... hello, move on na nga eh ano ba!

6) Why (Avril Lavigne)

Kung psychologist ka naman or pshychiatrist or plainly psychotic.. ito ang song for you. Hala ubusin mo ang oras mo kakaisip bakit ka nya iniwan. Hint: Di ka na nya mahal... weeeeh! Dali move on na!

7. Back Here (BBMak)

I love BBmak.. pero nunca na magustuhan ko itong kantang ito. Naman.. Back here? Hello.... ilusyunado ka? Feeling mo babalikan ka? Untog mo nga yang ulo mo!

8. I Wish I Wasn't (Heather Headley)

I recommend the dance version, the one that comes as part of Anton Ramos' Chillout Project. Bakit? Eh dahil gusto ko eh, bakit ka ba nangingialam ha? Ako ang author!

9. Teardrops (Lovestation)

Anyway hindi ako mahilig sa sobrang emote na songs so I am recommending this.

10. Bleeding Love (Leona Lewis)

Isa pa to.. again, get the dance remix version. At pwede ba, go out on a date!

There are still a lot of beautiful songs to choose from but ayoko i-recommend coz MOVING ON is what were trying to accomplish here.

Sa mga nagaatempt mag-move on at sa mga nakapag-move on na, these songs are for you:

1. I Never Loved You Anyway (The Corrs)

This is my number one. I make sure na kapag iniwan ko or iniwanan ako, hindi ko babalikan.

2. Girl Friend (Avril Lavigne)

Ayan, this song is telling you to flirt, go out on dates and find a new GF/BF. Dont worry if at the first few attempts you dont find the right person.. Hello, remember you're on the rebound, take it easy muna. Remember, we dont make mistakes, we just date them.

3. Migraine (Moonstar88)

I like this one in particular. Its you telling yourself TAMA NA. Umayos ka na kung ayaw mo masaktan or kung ayaw mong saktan kita.

4. All Good Things (Come to An End)  (Nelly Furtado)

Again... wag magpakadalubhasa in trying to figure out what went wrong. Carry lang yan.

5. The First Cut Is The Deepest (Sheryl Crow)

Now this is truly a moving on song. Its you telling your new partner that you're ready to fall in love again.

6) Not Ready To Make Nice (Dixie Chicks)

Kung bitter ka pa rin sa kakainom ng Charantia... ito ang para sayo.

7. Outta My Head (Ashlee Simpson)

This is you forcing to get your ex off your mind.. off your heart na rin. Malay mo sa kaka-listen mo nito matauhan ka.

8. Moving On Up (M People)

Panalo din ito. Listen to it. Sabi ko listen... hindi dance to it.

9. Another Suitcase In Another Hall (Madonna)

Its you telling yourself you're moving on despite not knowing how. May kokontra pa ba kay Madonna?

10. Apologize (One Republic)

You tell yourself at this point, whatever left unsaid or not discussed by you and your ex... wala na yun... apologize nya mukha nya di ba. Hayaan mo na yung tao... tandaan mo palagi, be kind to animals.

11. Can We Still Be Friends (Todd Rundgren/Mandy Moore)

Leche ka, naghahanap ka talaga ng sakit ng ulo ano? Anong friends friends ka dyan? As a general rule, if you and your ex were friends first before you became an item, then by all means, be friends. Kung hindi naman, tigilan ang ilusyon (sabagay libre mangarap) and dont bother your ex. Remember, kung mahal ka nun, di ka iniwan nun hehehehehe.

12. Slow Me Down (Emmy Rossum)

The process of moving on is also a healing process. Wag madaliin. If you want to just sleep around then do so with no strings attached. A good advice... sleep with your ex's ex! Hahahaha ....... Trust me, you'll learn a lot.

13. Goodbye My Lover (James Blunt)

Ayan tama yan.. Mag-Goodbye ka na.. nag-goodbye na nga yung tao sayo eh! Isa pa.. ang training wag kalimutan.. hindi tayo umiiyak, tayo ang iniiyakan.

A saying goes: "Time doesn't heal old wounds. It just blurs the memory and softens the pain".  I don't really know who first said that but it makes sense. You don't need to force yourself to forget outright, rather, allow yourself to heal and to learn from all of the heartaches. In time, it will make you a much stronger and a better person.

Remember, we all deserve to be loved. That love may not come now, but it will be always there waiting for us when we learn to open new doors and welcome it in.

Siguro naman by this time nakapag-isip-isip ka na. O tayo na dyan, punasan ang mga luha at itabi ang tissue box. Maligo ka at ayusin mo yang sarili mo. Take care of your self.

Now smile and be happy. You deserve it.