Rumblings

How frustrated can one get till one decides to give up on love? Is the degree and intensity of giving up on love even directly proportional to the degree or intensity of hoping to find love?

Meet test subject number one (TS1) : Goodlooking, intelligent, fun to be with, stable and hardworking professional and in his early twenties... He doesn't even know it yet, but most above average people would simply go gaga over TS1 (and by above average looking I mean those who are as equally good looking, sucessful, etc. etc...almost perfect individuals in their almost perfect perfect universes). TS1 feels he cant hold on to love, not even find the "right kind of love". So now, he chooses not to love, chooses to close on doors to love. Fact is, he only started to become a willing participant in the game only recently and considering how limited the opportunities there are for men in my age bracket, I'd stay he's got more than seven or eight years advantage over us --- advantage to make mistakes, to fall in and out of love, to grow, to learn, to teach..... Still, TS1 gave up on love. Was it the ex? the could have beens? or my loud mouth telling him that his motto should be "mamamatay silang hindi ka nila natitikman"? (Good one Red, for that you win a prize)

Test subject number two (TS2): is a bombshell in her own right, with the right curves and protruding body parts in their correct and acceptable measurements; funny, witty, you get the picture. TS2 has seen how people would lay her down like a doormat and walk over her, has seen how many men would tear her heart and give it back to her in bits and pieces - how she'd try to glue them back on all together hoping that she'd make herself whole again and available for the next person who'd enter her life and fall in love with her... then the cycle starts all over again.... A litle heartbreak here, a state of autism there and whooppeeethe lady is ready to fall again. While she may constantly be ranting about how old she is, how her skin sags here and there (or how she prays she'd win the lotto to get a nip here, a tuck there..yadadadadada), still here she is, always back on track and loves the game....

Considering the foregoing, is it safe to conclude that the intensity of giving up on love or hoping to fall in love is...

a) not dependent on age
b) not dependent on past or present experiences
c) a choice, not merely a product of a collection of experiences in consideration of item A
d) is inveresely proportional with each other

Hmmm.... why do I even bother......

On a Cloudy Sunday Morning

On a cloudy Sunday morning.........

...I held you close to me, felt your heart beating to the rhythm of yout breath, blood rushing to your veins. I was at peace.

...I held your hand firmly, and your hand held my heart for eternity. I am loved.

...I looked into your eyes, and I knew why I am here, right now, a gateway to forever. I saw GOD.

...I kissed your lips, tasted the sweetness of your soul.. I am yours.

...I carved tears on your cheeks...it hurts.... I'm dying.....

Living in a Box

How many beds do you have to sleep in till you find which is comfortable for you? In the process of choosing which bed feels comfortable, how many instances do you share these beds with someone? And in those instances where you share your bed with someone, does it really boil down to hoping that the person may feel comfortable in your bed and never leave, and be there with you each morning when you wake up?

How many people do you have to meet in your entire lifetime till you can say you have found the person you're meant to be with? When you find someone whomyou think is meant for you, how long does it usually take for both of you to be together? In that span of time that you are together, how do you quantify the time you've spent--- are these moments even special or are they products of lust?

Of the many times that you think you are in love, when can you say that you are really really really in love? How do you define love anyway? Does love exist in an age where saying I LOVE YOU is so automatic even if it meant nothing? So how do you exactly fall in love?

Of the many times that someone tells you I LOVE YOU, how many of these instances are those when the person meant it? Can someone just be in love you and not tell you in the first place? Can it even be possible that you failed to notice that the feeling of the person for you maybe genuine?

Why does falling in love have to be complicated in the first place?

So, do you still wanna fall in love?

Oblivion

I long for the darkness that surrounds our moments of chaos, for in those moments, your light smolders; your warmth is felt. I savor and live each moment of confusion as if it were the last, for when the sun rises, your light cases to shine, and you�re again lost in the confines of my frozen heart. My soul knows you, my mind recalls your presence, my lips speak your name; yet I know not who you really are. Has the sun blinded me and impaired my capacity to recall even your face?

 I patiently wait for darkness to fall. For when oblivion obscures reality and extinguishes the sun�s radiance, I can now see your face. I can retrace each curve and each line and try to lock that memory n my heart. I feel your pain, your joy, your anguish --- and my soul tries to rejoice in that brief moment of darkness for when I wake up, I will not see your face again. The sun rises and obliterates you from my mind. Still, I long for darkness to fall.

Will I wake up one day to remember you? Will I see your face albeit the sun may have blinded me? Will I be able to memorize every line of your face, every curve, every emotion, when darkness forever leaves me�?

 The sun shall soon thaw my heart. And you will be gone forever. I will never see your face, I will never feel your presence, I will never speak your name.

 Darkness will fall soon..

30-October-2005
11:43AM
 Starmall Las Piñas