You have no idea how far you have left open Pandora's box. I will make sure to eat the heart of every person like you, and drink their tears for breakfast.
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31 July 2011
30 July 2011
An Open Letter To The One Who Hurt Me
Dear You,
Today, I have finally come to terms with the fact that you perfectly laid me in your palms and me me dance to whatever beat you are playing. You have played me perfectly well. I have to give it to you, you are a master in the art of deception. It amazes me how you can look at me sincerely and lie.
I have come to terms with the fact that saying "I love you" has become tantamount to saying "I want to fart" or "I want to hit the crapper". "I, LOVE and YOU doesn't seem to mean anything anymore, and that words sometimes escape you just to be polite to me, but not mean anything at all.
I have come to terms with the fact that I was stupid to believe all of your lies, and maybe, if you'll lie again, I might even believe you. You are so good at it. You deserve an award for such expertise. Schools of thought should be formulated in your honor.
I was stupid....Stupid to think that you actually loved me. Stupid to think that I was the only one. Stupid to think that I could have a future with you. Stupid for almost putting everything aside just for you. Stupid for disarming my defenses just to let you in.
But I did love you...
I loved how you lied to love me. Loved how you lied to care. Loved how you lied to make me feel special. Loved how you lied to be there.
At some point, I have to thank you though. Thank you for allowing me to love myself more. Thank you for allowing me to love, or at least see the ugly side of it. Thank you for allowing me to see right thru all of your lies and ask myself if I were willing to settle with your lies, or find someone who's willing to love me, just me...
I will never know how our story should have progressed - our plans to move in together, to just simply cuddle and watch the years pass us by. The long walks and senseless talks, your hand pressing against mine. Your lips, your eyes, your hair... You are but a blur of memory.
I have finally let go of you. And I don't want you back in my mind, in my heart, and nowehere near my soul. You are poison. You were, you are, and you will never be good for anyone who truly loves you. You will simply go on with your games, clueless, reckless games and your naïve interpretation of love - you will hurt more of those who love you with reckless abandon. You are damaged goods.
You had my heart... You broke it.
From the pieces of this broken heart, and the wounds you left from my mending it, I was able to find a way to love again, and I have. I will. But you will never know how. You will let love pass you by, and will consume the hearts of those who try to love you. I will never be the same because of you.
You will never find love, like the love I oferred you. The kind of love that ignores your flaws, sees only the best; the kind of love that never invests on your physicality, only hopes for what is to unfold; the kind of love that offers a glimmer of future for you, not just now; the kind of love which does not rush, but patiently waits for you. Never will you find that love again. And when the time comes that you finally decide that you need to be loved. I won't be there.
You lost me babe.
Goodluck finding another me.
Insincerely yours,
ME
Sent from my BlackBerry® powered by Sun Cellular
29 July 2011
Nandito Lang Ako
Sa tuwing naiisip ko kung ilang beses na akong nasaktan, minsan, parang ayaw ko na magmahal.
Sa tuwing naiisip ko kung ilang beses na akong niloko, minsan, parang ayaw ko na magtiwala.
Pero bakit nandito pa rin ako?
Nagmamahal...sayo...
Sent from my BlackBerry® powered by Sun Cellular
Sa tuwing naiisip ko kung ilang beses na akong niloko, minsan, parang ayaw ko na magtiwala.
Pero bakit nandito pa rin ako?
Nagmamahal...sayo...
Sent from my BlackBerry® powered by Sun Cellular
23 July 2011
19 July 2011
My Battle with Hypertension Day7
It's been a week now when I started monitoring my blood pressure and I am so pleased that after the many fluctuations, my BP has officially dropped to 110/80.
Was it the Reducol of Del Monte Pineapple Juice, the magnesium and potassium contents of my vitamins or my Simvastatin?
We will soon see after a month.
Was it the Reducol of Del Monte Pineapple Juice, the magnesium and potassium contents of my vitamins or my Simvastatin?
We will soon see after a month.
18 July 2011
16 July 2011
My Battle with Hypertension Day3
Yay! Today my blood pressure reading dropped to 120/80, which is also good because I feel a lot better now as compared to a few days ago. I have to attribute this to yesterday's all vegetable lunch (minus the coconut milk of course), pineapple juice, an oatmeal dinner and moderate exercise. Taking Simvastatin before bedtime also helps with my sleeping.
I hope this stabilizes at 120/80 for now, though I hope to get a lower reading soon.
I hope this stabilizes at 120/80 for now, though I hope to get a lower reading soon.
14 July 2011
My Battle with Hypertension Day2
Last night's attempt to exercise was futile. I had the same feeling of heaviness in my head and I decided to rest. I chewed on a piece of garlic and I suppose the magnesium content of Milo helped lower my BP. I did not get a reading though.
Today, I had my BP monitored again at 120/90, pretty much stable (I hope)and relatively lower than my first checkup. I was told by the younger nurse friends that 120/80 is no longer the normal BP, rather, it is prehypertensive, and I was advised again to undertake steps to lower my BP.
My diet consists of mainly oatmeal and Milo, though I have my usual Banaba-Basil Green Tea, two (2) liters of it for the entire day. I shall take another 20mg dose of Simvastatin before bedtime, hopefully, to aid in my cholesterol synthesis and to help me sleep better.
Two days, and counting......
13 July 2011
My Battle with Hypertension Day1
Today I had to wake up very early to anticipate my trip to the clinic (yeah right, as if I live far from it). I was so eager to have my blood pressure taken this morning, as I was advised by the doctor that it is the best time to have the BP checked.
As soon as I got to the clinic, the nurse immediately took my BP which read 150/90. I almost cursed at her for doing that, but I just let out a simple "Miss bakit ang taas?" (Miss, why so high?). She excused herself and asked me if I were tired, to which I explained I just walked from home to their clinic (yes I had to take the fucking stairs because the elevator isn't working). After resting for five (5) minutes, my BP read 120/90. Wheeew!
As I was overexcited, I accidentally took a tablet of Simvastatin after breakfast (instead of before bedtime) which explains why I'm sooooo sleeeeeepy. Oatmeal for breakfast and toast seemed a healthier option, Milo Choco Drink instead of coffee and Lola B's Nilagang Baka minus the soup for lunch.
Tonight , I hope to exercise like old times, but I was advised to sleep early again, so I really don't know how this will work. We shall see.
As soon as I got to the clinic, the nurse immediately took my BP which read 150/90. I almost cursed at her for doing that, but I just let out a simple "Miss bakit ang taas?" (Miss, why so high?). She excused herself and asked me if I were tired, to which I explained I just walked from home to their clinic (yes I had to take the fucking stairs because the elevator isn't working). After resting for five (5) minutes, my BP read 120/90. Wheeew!
As I was overexcited, I accidentally took a tablet of Simvastatin after breakfast (instead of before bedtime) which explains why I'm sooooo sleeeeeepy. Oatmeal for breakfast and toast seemed a healthier option, Milo Choco Drink instead of coffee and Lola B's Nilagang Baka minus the soup for lunch.
Tonight , I hope to exercise like old times, but I was advised to sleep early again, so I really don't know how this will work. We shall see.
12 July 2011
My Battle with Hypertension
Today, I was diagnosed with very high levels of bad cholesterol in my blood stream. Generally, I hate needles, I hate doctors (no offense bes), and I hate giving blood samples. However, considering the recurring dizziness, the headaches, and the perpetual numbness of my extremities, I had to follow the advice of Bes Francis and see a doctor.
Beforehand, I have already been reading about factors which contribute to these "disturbances" - I have considered lack of B Complex Vitamins, to a failed liver or kidnes, a high sodium and potassium concentration in my blood stream, but when my nape started to be a bitch, I knew I had to see a doctor at once. Yes, I have had my daily dose of pineapple juice as a precaution, because I have read somewhere that the magnesium content of pineapple juice lowers blood pressure.
As the nurse began to take my BP, she had to look at my chart again to check how old I was.... yes, I am 33. She explained to me that my BP of 130/100 is too high for someone my age. After the mumbo jumbo with the doctor on medicines to take for my nerves, yada yada yada, I finally agreed to a blood chem (I was prepared, ladies and gentlemen, the perks of having a doctor for a best friend)just to save all of us the trouble. My best friend told me to have my Sodium and Potassium profile analyzed so as to have data for a hypertension workup (in the event that I was really hypertensive). When I got the result, it was explained to me that the high cholesterol is the culprit.
A flashback of fries, burger, pizza and coffee paraded before my mind. Darn! I could never have those anymore. Before I could even explain myself, I was already memorizing Simvastatin, once a day before bedtime as my mantra. Ugh! I have to have my BP monitored daily as well. I will be given other drugs in the event that my BP does not normalize in a week.
The battle with food is easy, it's the willingness to give up these pleasures is the difficult part. But for the sake of being healthy, I'm giving it a go.
Wish me luck.
Beforehand, I have already been reading about factors which contribute to these "disturbances" - I have considered lack of B Complex Vitamins, to a failed liver or kidnes, a high sodium and potassium concentration in my blood stream, but when my nape started to be a bitch, I knew I had to see a doctor at once. Yes, I have had my daily dose of pineapple juice as a precaution, because I have read somewhere that the magnesium content of pineapple juice lowers blood pressure.
As the nurse began to take my BP, she had to look at my chart again to check how old I was.... yes, I am 33. She explained to me that my BP of 130/100 is too high for someone my age. After the mumbo jumbo with the doctor on medicines to take for my nerves, yada yada yada, I finally agreed to a blood chem (I was prepared, ladies and gentlemen, the perks of having a doctor for a best friend)just to save all of us the trouble. My best friend told me to have my Sodium and Potassium profile analyzed so as to have data for a hypertension workup (in the event that I was really hypertensive). When I got the result, it was explained to me that the high cholesterol is the culprit.
 |
| My lab result showing the cholesterol levels in my blood |
A flashback of fries, burger, pizza and coffee paraded before my mind. Darn! I could never have those anymore. Before I could even explain myself, I was already memorizing Simvastatin, once a day before bedtime as my mantra. Ugh! I have to have my BP monitored daily as well. I will be given other drugs in the event that my BP does not normalize in a week.
The battle with food is easy, it's the willingness to give up these pleasures is the difficult part. But for the sake of being healthy, I'm giving it a go.
Wish me luck.
11 July 2011
Five Cows Promo
"Sent via BlackBerry from Smart"
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